One of the main methods used by one human being to control another is to induce fear in them. If one person is frightened of another, then, if they cannot escape, they have to submit to the strong one. How often we have seen this in family relationships – husband-wife, parent-child. And yet, to our shame, however much we may deplore the use of fear as a weapon of control in a family, we seem often to tolerate it when it happens in our church congregations.
What do the textbooks say about fear? From the earliest stage of human development, the capacity to feel fear was the way that we were enabled to survive and escape danger. Through feeling fear the brain activates the body in such a way that it is prepared for fight or flight to escape the threat. When fear is present, the higher centres of the brain are bypassed. We do not reason when trying to escape from danger. We simply run. Fear is then a primitive mental response. It works with the most basic part of the brain, the amygdala, to preserve and protect the body in the face of any danger
As small children we learnt to grow through many experiences of fear. The classic things which frighten every small child are the dark and anything that is strange or out of the ordinary. A very small child may shut his or her eyes when a new person first meets them. This is a reflex of wanting to avoid the unfamiliar. They need a parent nearby to reassure them that this person is no danger or threat. Many children seem to experience nightmares when small. This may be a way of the brain processing the many new experiences which the child encounters day-to-day. As the growing child gains more and more control over her environment, these nightmares seem to lessen. All the potential fears and traumas of encountering new experiences can worked through with the help of sensitive sympathetic parenting. Education also plays its part. When the child reaches adulthood he/she is supposed to have left behind the exhausting business of coping with fears. In its place there is meant to be a sense of competence and control over one’s life.
When we hear about adults who are oppressed with fear we have every reason to suspect that something is wrong. It may be a battered wife who walks on eggshells to avoid upsetting a volatile husband. A young woman who has been assaulted sexually may find it difficult to go anywhere alone, particularly after dark. Then we come across congregation members who long to hear something reassuring and comforting in church about the care and generosity of God. What they sometimes do hear is a message that is constantly putting them on edge. Salvation, they are told, is something that can be removed very quickly, apparently according to the whim of the Church pastor. Chris once mentioned a theology which could be summarised by three words, ‘turn or burn’. This kind of teaching is rooted in fear. At its most optimistic it offers a safe place in heaven in return for keeping on the right side of the church leader. Words like obedience and submission may describe the relationship that is expected of the church member towards the leader. This submission is also expressed through the compulsory tithe. Other demands on the family’s income and its free time may be demanded. All these rules are followed, not for reasons of joy or gratitude towards God, but simply because the relationship has become one based on fear. The pastor controls his flock with this weapon of fear. The sense of dread is very real. On this side of the grave there is fear of expulsion from the congregation through shunning. On the other side it is the fear of endless torment in hell.
I have been recently reading on the topic of the susceptibility of mentally fragile people to religious messages. When a person has a history of mental distress, it is not difficult for a Church leader to control them by working on their fears. The initial friendship offered by a controlling pastor may seem very attractive and important to someone with a precarious mental history. Such individuals are however extraordinarily vulnerable to the abusive controlling techniques used by some religious leaders. Quite often there is an appeal to demonic forces as the explanation for symptoms of mental distress. If the individual buys into this explanation, the state of bondage is complete. Emotionally and psychologically they are in complete thrall to this religious leader who appears to offer them a way forward. Sometimes the help of specialised Christian institutions who specialise in demons are called upon. Few seem to emerge from such places with much in the way of healing. More often the mentally disturbed descend into a cycle of self-harm and even suicidal behaviour as the result of this kind of attention.
The use of fear as a means of control in a religious context is an appalling abuse of power. While such fear-mongering is most quickly absorbed by the mentally fragile, a message involving fear can reach almost anyone, vulnerable or not. Unfortunately, Scripture does possess some narratives that seem to validate the use of these means of control. In America there were published a series of novels which were read by millions of people. These were known as the ‘Left Behind’ novels. The basic message of these books is that the Second Coming of Jesus is imminent. Large numbers of people will be either snatched up into the air or left behind on earth to suffer the most appalling events. The two words ‘left behind’ are a kind of threat directed at people who, by not following a millennial reading, will not be among the Elect. These are the chosen, as determined by the pastor, to qualify as ‘true’ Christians. These are those who agree with him and his teaching.
To summarise this post, I would say that the moment an individual is made to feel fear in a church context, then I suspect that someone is likely engaged in spiritual abuse. Of course, we need to learn responsibility and good judgement in the way we live our Christian lives, but this never needs to involve the deliberate cultivation of fear by leaders. The use of fear as a weapon is, to my mind, a technique of spiritual abuse and there is no excuse for this. The Christian faith is a message of love. This love that we experience and preach is meant to cast out all fear. Were that to be true in all our churches!
I largely agree. My caveat is, that where people have been brought up or trained in a form of religion that’s strong on fear, they will probably propagate a fearful message themselves. That need not imply an intention to abuse on their part – it’s just what they know. I was brought up to believe that large numbers of people are going to hell and it’s our duty to convert them, so they can avoid that awful fate. I’m rather afraid that some of my preaching was a bit too hell and damnation in the early days of my ministry. God be thanked, I eventually realised that it’s the Holy Spirit’s job, not mine, to convince people of their sin. My job is to assure people that their sins can be forgiven, and to offer them comfort.
I realise that none of this changes the fact that people can be, and are, spiritually abused in churches which teach a religion based on fear; but the blame for creating the fear can be somewhat mitigated if the leader/s don’t realise the harm they are doing. As so often, much of it comes down to the ways in which leaders exercise power, and their motive for doing so.
As for the followers, I’d echo St. Paul: ‘I will show you a more excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal….’ (1 Cor. 12:31b-13:1ff)
Yes I am sure that most leaders who are causing spiritual abuse have been abused themselves and are unintentionally doing this.
Fear in church communities can begin as discomfort and the feeling of ‘ought I to do what the leader is telling me to do’ to keep the peace.
I can remember dreading PCC meetings to the extent that I had sleepless nights. Bullying always creates fear- that “it” will happen again. I’m thinking that in a way, bullying in a church context is always spiritual abuse. Oh, and one of the clergy responsible for my sleepless nights was in my view culpable, but the other was not. They had no idea that what they did caused the mess that it did.
Agree. Bullying is spiritual abuse. It’s also the most-used form of abuse in mainline denominations.
The Church Times has a letter from Janet, and an article on spiritual abuse this week.
English Athena, sleepless nights over PCC meetings are quite common among clergy, too, the bullying isn’t just one way.
My copy of the Church Times hasn’t arrived yet, but when it does I’ll look for the article on spiritual abuse. Its good that the subject is finally being discussed.
No, I know. I’ve seen it. Bullying is always wrong, I don’t think it’s ok if it’s clergy on the receiving end I promise you!
Having always read but never commented on this blog I hope no one minds if I do now. From my own experience a line was crossed when the clergy person stopped being self aware and stopped asking himself internal questions of, ‘what is my motivation for this and what am I getting from it.’ So what started out as well intentioned spiraled into something deeply harmful and when I was told I couldn’t see a doctor because it showed I had a lack of faith in God’s healing power that was the clergy person not asking himself the right internal questions. Obviously that disintegrated into disaster and me needing psychiatric services but because at the beginning there was good intention even now on days when I am mentally fragile I still feel ‘was I the bad one’ because all sorts of boundaries became blurred by lack of self awareness.
I am sorry if none of that makes sense, I haven’t explained it very well but thank you for the blog and comments which I find very helpful.
Trish. You are making a good point. If I understand you correctly, you are suggesting that a clergyman will sometimes put theological principle before common sense and reasonable care for a suffering individual. For a clergyman or pastor to say that you must have faith and reject medicine in a health crisis situation, particularly when it involves mental distress, can be disastrous. It is suggesting that there is a one stop Christian response which of course there is not. Elastoplast may help a cut but it does not heal a broken arm. Asking for faith may be feeding the pastor’s ego rather than helping the suffering individual in front of him. Trish thank you for commenting. I am beginning to realise that the mentally ill do sometimes suffer appallingly at the hands of inept Christian ministry. Janet Fife was saying this in her letter to this week’s Church Times
Trish, I’m sorry you had such an experience; it’s all too common. I’m very concerned about the abuses of inner healing ministry, which was the subject of my letter to t he Church Times. I’ll post a link, but I’m not sure it will work.
https://www.churchtimes.co.uk/articles/2018/23-february/comment/letters-to-the-editor/letters-to-the-editor-abuse-nuclear-disarmament-brexit-border-control-bell
Thank you Stephen for offering clarity to my comment, which is what I was trying to say.
Thank you Janet for sharing your excellent letter which profoundly resonated with me. I have found church authorities are very uncomfortable talking about these issues and in my case find it easier to concentrate on my mental health than the issues that exacerbated it. So if I challenge I am always asked, ‘can we speak to your mental health team?’ I am made the problem. I hope your letter has impact and your voice is clearly heard as you are speaking for many people.
Trish – thank you for your brave and honest comments about your experiences including mental health issues in a church context. I too have experienced mental health issues where I have received a range of responses in church, from deep healing through exploring the Gospel in what has largely been a supportive environment, to abusive treatment in some specific situations.
Thank you Janet for the link to your letter. It is excellent and the letter below it.
There was a brilliant priest at my local church who accepted my practise of Tai Chi and the reading of Buddhist literature quite happily. It didn’t interfere with my work at the church, probably enhanced it.
This would be frowned on or worse now in particular churches.
Hi, Trish, and welcome. All the best for the future.
This article brought me to tears. Not only was I Spiritually abused in the Pentecostal church, where the pastor is a well known faith healer in Evangelical circles, but also by my narcissitic mother who happened to be a devout Born Again Christian. Eventually after decades of mental suffering, including panic attacks and self harm, I sought professional counselling from a lady vicar. She was my turning point. Everything I am today I owe to her. My mother never forgave me for turning my back on her interpretation of God and eight months before she died age 102 she changed her Will by removing my name from it.
So sorry to hear of your experiences Mary. Sadly it seems to be not uncommon. Because the behaviour of your spiritual abuser is hidden from the view of most other Christians, people pretend that behaviour like this does not exist. On this blog you will find fellow survivors of various forms of abuse as well as people like me who want to educate and inform the wider church that power abuse is a real problem in many churches. We are focusing on the needs of survivors of sexual abuse at present but I can assure that the needs of all other forms of abuse are in our awareness and concern. Please visit us from time to time. There is strength in being connected to others with a comparable story.
Hi Mary. It is as Stephen says. We function as a sort of self group! At present there’s a big thing about the way the Church of England behaves towards abuse survivors. But hearing that others have similar experiences always helps, even if it’s not specific to your, or my, situation. All the best for the future.