I have been reflecting on the nature of human power and the way that for any individual it can be used for good or to create the most tremendous harm. Every child is born into the world with a need to find out who or what she is. Every parent tries to ensure that their offspring each takes possession of the gift of a firm identity or self. The discovery of a core self is never attained in a state of passive ‘niceness’. The child needs the skills of self-assertion – sticking up for the protection of this inner core. Being able to see off a bully -the one who attacks that core self- does not make the assertive child into a bully. It enables her to flourish better. As the child gets older, more and more of the natural abilities and skills that belong to the inner self are revealed. Bullying threatens to interrupt this precious process.
The readiness to stick up for ourselves against bullying, as a way of protecting and preserving our core selves, is something that we applaud. We know in practice how much can go wrong in the journey of growing up. A child can be dragged down by abusive behaviour and this may have the effect of damaging or even destroying the unique giftedness and creativity belonging to that individual. The experience of being bullied can also corrupt the child’s understanding of their inner power so that they become the bully themselves. Many children develop an instinct to understand personal power only as a tool with which to destroy. Smash up what is worthwhile and good because it does not belong to you. Tease and mock the child who has skills you do not possess, especially in the case of boys who practise those interests which are ‘soft’, like ballet or music. In vandalism or an episode of contemptuous mockery, the bully can obtain a fleeting sensation of power and control over what they despise as weak and contemptible.
All of us have witnessed the profound effects of bullying during our lives. We may have been one of the bullies or more probably one of its victims. Among children the effects can be so much more devastating because it is the unformed potential of the child that is under attack even before it has been allowed to show its full potential. In childhood, most bullying is completely invisible to the responsible adults. They just see the demoralised child who is failing to flourish or be happy. Adults cannot understand the evil that is being perpetrated so close to them but is unseen.
When we reflect on bullying and the abuse of human power a which takes place right across society, it is surprising that Christians do not have more to say about it. Outwardly Christians are staunch supporters of doing everything possible to encourage human flourishing in the widest sense. Creativity, joy and human fulfilment are perceived to be far more important than financial success or the rewards of status and power. Helping another person to blossom in some area of their lives is indeed a great source of satisfaction for anyone who tries to practice Christian love and encouragement. Clergy are especially privileged in this area as they try to be alongside individuals as they battle through one or other of life’s crises. To be with someone as they finally emerge from illness or a trial of some kind is a special occasion. Supporting a dying person on their last journey can also be a profound source of great light and joy. This is a paradox and a mystery. The dying person sometimes becomes the one doing the empowering for those left behind.
When bullying takes place in society and sadly in the church, it sadly appears to reflect that many individuals have never been taught to rejoice in the gift of their existence. Instead of being taught and encouraged to enjoy the richness of simply being alive, something has come along which has damaged the art of flourishing that we normally see in very young children. Perversely this failure to rejoice in life itself sometimes leads to a desire to harm the flourishing of others. Both sides are damaged in this process, the bullies and the bullied. It is at this point that the greatest irony occurs in respect of the Church. Not only is this vital topic not discussed but the Church in many places and contexts appears to increase the sum of this human pain. It does this by declaring that certain individuals, lifestyles and ways of life are always unacceptable to God. Good Christian people must continue this perceived divine disapproval and declare that such people have no place among the ‘saved’, the recipients of God’s favour.
This post does not propose here to say more about the topic of discrimination against LGTB individuals even though this group is at the sharp end of exclusion and bullying. My comment here is not to discuss the rights and wrongs of this cause, but merely to draw attention to the obscenity of bullying anyone and trying to drive them from the Christian family. Some weeks ago, I wrote about the Vicky Beeching story as well as the experiences of Jayne Ozanne. At the heart of the stories was the appalling bullying that these women receive. Christians somehow believe that it is their task to bully and use their power to try to seek and destroy another human being. To me such behaviour was and is a veritable blasphemy.
One of the key themes of the Bible, frequently repeated, is that an old order is finished. God himself is coming to inaugurate something new. I believe that the Church should often listen to the words of Isaiah 40 & 41 where it is declared that God is coming to visit his people. The whole passage speaks of joyful newness and hope for the future. The God who summons his people from the ends of the earth and declares new things is not one who singles out small groups to exclude them from his purposes. The message of the Bible is here one of incredible generosity and open-handedness. While there are examples of exclusion in Scripture, as we saw when we critiqued the eleven bishops and their assumptions about marriage in the Bible, there is also a frequent sense of new beginnings. I have preached many sermons on the pithy words of Jesus when he declares that ‘the Kingdom of God is among you’. These words are not the prelude to new pharisaic rules of exclusion and dogma. They are words that invite the hearer to open up to receive something new, powerful and transforming. The word ‘repent’ is an invitation to turn around to receive what is on offer, the flourishing that Jesus speaks of in John’s gospel. ‘I have come that they may have life, life in all its abundance’. In short, the Christian gospel is about human flourishing, the participation in joyous selfhood, one that is transfigured by the glory of God. All of us called to practise the love that makes this flourishing and transformation a reality in ourselves and in others. The kingdom is a place of unimaginable generosity where all find a welcome.
Wonderful thoughts, Stephen. And of course, women are an even larger group that have been and still are bullied within the church.
Athena, I suppose I am influenced by the memory of boy’s schools to suggest that bullying, even violence, are common for the male sex. Sexual harassment is likely to be far commoner for women but the figures to prove what is really going on are probably hard to obtain. The fact is that bullying exists in church and that is a reality to be ashamed of and fought against. Too many Christians bully but declare what they do is God’s will.
I suppose I’m taking prejudice and discrimination as a form of bullying. But it is quite explicit sometimes. Favouritism and indifference certainly are. So if you are not invited to a meeting that the rest of the team go to, for example. Or not told about a retreat that was available. Obviously, those happened to me. If it was because I was female, while men were invited, voila. My early experience was of being bullied for being female. But not at school, since it was a girl’s school. I’m thinking on the spot here. You’re making me think about things in a new way!
Have you heard of the persecutor/victim/rescuer triangle? It can sometimes help to understand the dynamics of a situation and defuse. Can be useful in meetings, but if you’re up against a powerful and determined bully sometimes it takes someone more powerful to stop them.
No. Thanks.
And, if you stand up for yourself, Christian bullies will claim that you are the malevolent one. I know that firsthand.
It’s unfortunate that bullying is is as common in churches – and Churches – as it is. And in my experience, it’s too often rewarded rather than stopped.
Spot on.
In my case, bishop diocesan Shannon Johnston, while telling me that he was very sorry for how my case was handled, etc., behind the scenes was sending out letters in support of Bob Malm, my former rector. This, at a time when my mother is dying of COPD, and Malm was trying to drag her into court.
Truly shameful and despicable.
That’s terrible. Some church officials forget how Christians are meant to behave.
Although this is only tangentially related, I think there are likely to be readers here who will be interested to watch a great programme on iPlayer, The Intersex Diaries, which is out today. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06nk2kf
For those who aren’t already aware, a recently leaked Trump administration memo seeks to create a binary system for sex and gender, erasing trans gender and intersex people. It’s time for all those who want to encourage human flourishing, particularly members of the church, to take a stand.
Identity is a key concept. Unfortunately we are born not fully formed. We are a product of early carers, teachers, friends, priests. They have the power to mould us to what they consider to be an ideal person. They probably have good intentions, but are limited by their own early moulding.
Defects and misunderstandings are thus transmitted inter-generationally, not just in families, but in community and churches.
It takes energy and powerful resolve to make changes in this system.
To permit a child, to encourage her even, to develop her own identity is a risky but powerful thing.
Thanks Stephen, I loved your words about the kingdom. Loving and encouraging is how we can all work together. The extra slant on repentance, seeing what’s on offer, is great!
Thanks Stephen, I loved your words about the kingdom. Loving and encouraging is how we can all work together. The extra slant on repentance, seeing what’s on offer, is great!