Survivors of Sexual Abuse in Churches – further reflections

Whenever I write something about the experience of abuse survivors in the church, I try very hard not to offend, accidentally, sensitivities in this group.  I still, nevertheless, dare to enter these dangerous waters because I know that overall it is important for supporters, such as myself, to try to cross a bridge of understanding.  The supporters of survivors always need to have improved awareness and insight into what has been taken away from them- a courageous group of people who have suffered.

One theme that also comes up frequently in the survivors’ testimonies is that much additional pain has been experienced through post-abuse encounters with professionals.  These are the individuals and institutions whose task it is to resolve, in a variety of ways, the mess that has been caused by an abusive event.  A problem inevitably exists when one or more of those involved have little understanding of the turmoil that is going on inside the survivor.  I have been reflecting on this topic and it seems that many of these professionals, through no fault of their own, do not have the set of skills to make a survivor feel better or even safe. It is hardly surprising that a lawyer whose task it is to question the survivor closely to find out if he/she is telling the truth will unsettle and even re-traumatise the individual.   No blame is to be attached to the lawyers themselves as compensation claims need to follow certain procedures. We might hope for a better reception for survivors from bishops and other church leaders who hear the story of an abuse at first hand.  Some of them, misled by discredited legal advice from 2007, have sought to apply excessive distance and detachment when hearing these stories.  Also, an instinct to preserve the institution rather than care for the sufferer before them has all too often created a stock response.  If the survivor manages to get through and survive all these encounters so that compensation is paid through some negotiated settlement, the problems are still not over. Serious psychological wounds remain.   In an optimal situation we would hope that the right kind of psychotherapeutic counselling would be offered. Finding a psychotherapist who understands both the nature of the abuse and the religious dimension in which it took place is not an easy task.   Issues, like the collapse of trust between the suffering Christian and God, as well with the Church that has betrayed them, need to be tackled.  That is not an easy area to negotiate, especially if the therapist is not a person of faith.

As I thought about this mismatch between survivors and the various professionals that are encountered along the path to recovery, it became obvious why so many survivors in this situation become re-traumatised.  Many highly skilled people are meeting these survivors, but the skills they possess are not those of healers. The adversarial atmosphere of some of the legal processes and the atmosphere of disbelief sometimes projected by those protecting the institution is a tough one. What, I wondered, can be done about this situation?

As I have explained elsewhere on this blog, I am a member of an international organisation known as ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association). This organisation studies cultic matters both academically and from the point of view of best practice in therapy. For three days each year I attend the annual conference either in Europe or the States, listening to the wisdom of many experts in this field of cultic studies. Many of those attending are professionals who help survivors to rebuild their lives after a traumatic experience of being members of a cult. I know that the word itself, ‘cult’, is a contentious one but it is a useful shorthand word.  It describes any group which abuses and manipulates its members in a political or religious context.  While in the group, the members become locked in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissistic leader and surrender much, if not most, of their decision-making capacity to the collective.  Sexual abuse is one possible scenario but more common is the debilitating emotional dependence that is built up over a period.  This makes it very hard to leave. Cult survivors can be thus crippled, emotionally, intellectually and socially in a variety of ways. I see many parallels between such cult survivors and ex-members of spiritually abusive churches.  These include those communities where some individuals experience the devastation of sexual abuse.

In the States where cults and other abusive organisations are far more numerous than in this country, there is, what one could call a cult survivor industry.  By this I mean there exist numerous professionals right across the country whose life’s work is to help those who have emerged from cultic entrapment and religious/spiritual abuse.  They have moved on a long way from the old crude techniques of ‘de-programming’.   This wisdom that now exists across the States in this area has barely penetrated our own country.  The difference between the UK and the US is that while there are many therapists at work here, few of them are familiar at an academic level with the latest thinking in these areas.   What are the qualities of these post-cult therapists in the States? The first thing which is striking, is that many, if not the majority, of therapists working in this field are cult survivors themselves.  Along the path of their own recovery, they have received training in psychotherapy, psychodynamic treatment and any number of psychological techniques.   Importantly they offer to their patients both a thorough understanding of the processes of healing as well as an in-depth appreciation of what it means to be a survivor of a dangerous religious/political group. They also know first-hand what it means to be groomed by an abuser. There are a few places in the UK where this holistic expertise is known.   I am aware of important work and teaching going on at Salford University as well as Manchester Metropolitan University. But, as far as I know, the UK safeguarding institutions, locally and nationally, do not reach out to appropriate the research and academic excellence of these centres.  We desperately need the input of energy and excellence from those in touch with American expertise to help transform what we have to offer to abuse survivors in this country.

Survivors of sexual abuse within a religious setting deserve to encounter, at the earliest moment, the very best in the way of therapeutic advice and support. This post is suggesting that extensive new skills here in Britain and on the other side of the Atlantic should be brought in as soon as possible to help the process.  It is not only the professionals who work in this field who need this input.  The whole church needs to have a better understanding of the way that such things as mind-control, emotional manipulation and grooming operate.  Bringing new training techniques into this area will not just help professionals and abused individuals, but the whole ‘culture’ of the church will begin to understand these matters better.  As we all know, it is often the passivity of the bystanders that causes a great deal of the of the damage to abuse survivors.   Let us hope that a new generation of safeguarding experts will be encouraged to reach out to embrace what is already in existence for the task of healing those who have been damaged and wounded by spiritual and sexual abuse.

About Stephen Parsons

Stephen is a retired Anglican priest living at present in Cumbria. He has taken a special interest in the issues around health and healing in the Church but also when the Church is a place of harm and abuse. He has published books on both these issues and is at present particularly interested in understanding how power works at every level in the Church. He is always interested in making contact with others who are concerned with these issues.

4 thoughts on “Survivors of Sexual Abuse in Churches – further reflections

  1. Your description of being trapped in an abusive relationship rings a bell, even though on the face of it my experience has not been quite like some others. There is article on the back page of the Church Times, an interview with a woman who is involved in trying to support women who have suffered prejudice. Fascinating. She points out that “abusive relationship” isn’t the right phrase. It implies equivalence . It is actually a relationship where the man is an abuser. “Words create worlds” she says. I have often complained that people make these comments that imply you have equal power to your abuser. One thing I would like, is to be involved in training clergy, lay ministers and just church goers in trying to say the right thing and not making it worse!

    1. Yes, the church is funny. Day to day, your priest or clergyperson is treated as your superior—someone to be admired and respected. But if you cross him or her, church officials treat you as a peer, and trot out the whole, “Well you did such-and-such.” But it can’t be both…clergy are either held to a higher standard, or not.

  2. The bystanders like me must be aware of all you have written in this blog, Stephen. I pray that healers will be found to help the abused and that the church would become a safer and more nurturing community.

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