As my regular readers known, the central preoccupation of this blog is abusive power and the way that this causes problems both in society and in the Church. Another word which captures the nature of abusive power is bullying. It is the presence of bullying in the Church that I want to reflect on today.
Of all the things that people write to me about, having encountered me through the blog, bullying is at the top of the list. I try to answer these emails as best I can, showing them, hopefully, that the perspective of a stranger on their problem may help them move forward. I have learned from my reading around the topic of cults that abusers and cult leaders are very good at ‘gaslighting’. In this they distort and confuse the perspective of their victims about what is happening to them. It is not just the victim of a sex abuser who has their grasp of reality undermined; it is any victim of power games on the part of bullies. This may take place in the home or in the church. So, by speaking on the phone or by exchanging emails, I can help a victim to find once more his/her sense of reality. This reality has been under severe attack through the abuse or the bullying
Before I go further in suggesting how bullying can be understood and possibly responded to, I need to give examples of bullying which are loosely based on stories told to me over the past few months.
- A member of the congregation challenges the vicar for misbehaviour of some kind. The response is to ostracise that individual by promoting rumours of mental illness.
- A vicar attacks an individual from the pulpit. He does not name them but gives enough information to make sure that everyone can work out who is being spoken about.
- An organist who is lacking in skill, picks on and humiliates a particular child who has the misfortune to be both extremely musical but not very confident. Jealousy?
- A treasurer who is consistently late in submitting accounts reacts by angrily threatening to sue anyone who asks to see the books.
- A major donor to a church uses their contribution as a weapon to manipulate the agenda of the Church council of which he/she is not a member.
- A congregation who traditionally opposes some church teaching threatens to withhold their parish share if the diocese/national church dares to appoint as bishop someone that opposes their sectarian stance.
- An independent church secretly changes the constitution in order to give control of the assets to a small group firmly under the dominance of the pastor. This change happens around the time when a £5 million offer for the church land was being mooted.
- A vicar consistently undermines a curate and prevents him/her from attending a local support group in case he, the vicar, would be discussed there.
- A minister uses passages from Scripture in his/her sermons which stress the need for obedience to ‘the Lord’s anointed’.
- A Sunday School teacher is appointed even though he/she is known to be short tempered with children and had left the teaching profession because of this. A close relative is a major donor to the church. The situation is made difficult because he/she insists on deciding the curriculum on his/her own.
- A congregation told that if they individually fail to give 10% of their untaxed income to the Church (minister), their eternal destiny is in danger.
I have not, with one exception, attempted to interpret these examples of church bullying. In fact whatever reasons one comes up with, these are likely to be similar to those accompanying bullying in any other area of society. The chief reason for bullying, as far as I can see, is to obtain in some way the gratification of a sense of personal power. We all need some sense of power and most of the time we achieve it by living ordinary lives, respected in the work we do and through our relationships within our families. The psychologically balanced healthy person has obtained a combination of self-love and the love of others and this keeps them feeling alive and grounded. We have an identity given to us through these healthy interactions. Justin Welby, when the story of his birth father made the news two years ago, stated that his chief identity was the one given to him in Christ. In other words, the claim to be a Christian should help all Christians to have an extra sense of who they are without needing to invade the space of others to dominate them as bullies do.
As a very approximate generalisation we might suggest that the reason for anyone to bully is because they feel that their sense of identity is in some way under threat. Their own inner sense of power is depleted for whatever reason. Bullies sense somehow that their standing in the world, the one they feel they deserve, is not coming their way. With failed ambition or frustrated fantasies of greatness, an individual may lash out and enter the world of becoming a bully. Watching a bullying event unfold, we, the observers, can see clearly that the short gratification of feeling power, does absolutely nothing to change the situation for the bully. There is a kind of frustrated childish petulance about the act but, of course, it still goes on in the Church from the very highest levels down to the most humble. Christians, whether bishops or flower ladies, seem unable to avoid bullying on occasion. In short, many people have a frustrated need to obtain power, even those who have it abundantly already. In this one is reminded of the title of the recent book about Donald Trump by his niece. Too Much and Never Enough.
There is so much more that I could write on this topic of church bullying which I have not here the space to explore. It is a key theme for this blog, so the ramifications will no doubt, come out on other occasions. Here I want to remind the reader that desire for power and the bullying that goes with it was an issue for Jesus and the other New Testament writers. There is a whole chapter of Matthew’s gospel, 23, which describe the bullies and abusers of power. Jesus would find attendance at many of our churches an uncomfortable experience. The antidote to resolve all the conflicts of bullying and power abuse is, of course, contained in the single word love. Love understands all about the way that people are sometimes depleted of self-worth so that they feel the need to dominate and abuse. Love is the reality that keeps us firmly grounded where we belong, supported by the love of family, friends, fellows Christians as well as God himself. The expression being ‘in Christ’ is a shorthand for finding our place among our fellow Christians and in the arms and protection of God himself. Why would we ever need to bully and dominate when we have this reality, the one from which our true identity comes?
Thanks for this return to basics, Stephen. Can I add forgetting someone? It may not actually be deliberate, but is certainly born of indifference. Coupled with favouritism, where another person is consistently given the “jobs” or responsibilities you might have expected yourself, it’s very painful.
A very interesting list. I have seen several of these instances at first hand, and have heard of several others (or variants of the same).
As to #2 on the list, I have been denounced from the pulpit on two occasions: (i) when I was confused about who was supposed to be reading the lesson (a farce ensued); and (ii) when I read the wrong version of the lesson (I was hectored from the pulpit at some length).
The best thing to do when any form of bullying arises is for an attendee to vote with his/her feet.
However, this is not really possible if the victim is him/herself a church leader. I have encountered particularly unfortunate instances during my travels of clergy who are the target of rather malevolent congregations. This is not always attributable to the clergy in question wanting to innovate in an unwelcome manner; it is simply because there is a personality clash. However, it is all too often a function of a new person arriving who sees before them a dessicated club containing no young people, and who tries to get the existing attendees to make compromises with younger generations so that the church in question may survive.
Another particularly unfortunate issue is that those clergy (and others) who are most susceptible to bullying are frequently the most sympathetic personalities. It is their essential good natures and their unwillingness to confront aggression which compromises them.
As to the bullies, I am reminded of the opening of Andre Malraux’s ‘Anti-Memoirs’ (1967) in which the cure d’Ars (during the last war and in the Maquis) sighs and says that, fundamentally, there is no such thing as a grown up person.
Thank you for this Stephen. Your closing sentences need to be taken on board by us all as we so easily slip away.
I have been involved as a volunteer, employee, and trustee in churches and other charities for the past twenty years. It seems to happen all too often that volunteers, and not just in churches but also in other organisations that rely on voluntary effort, are treated in ways that, had they been employees, would have given immediate grounds for legal action under employment law. And yet I don’t think we should equate these clear-cut cases of bullying, with a considered judgment about how to exercise one’s power by withholding, or threatening to withhold, funding. If an articulate, subversive entryist minority has taken over an organisation to which I am a donor, the only counterbalance there may be to that minority’s power is for donors to follow the maxim “if you don’t want people to do something, stop paying them to do it.” For example, my alma mater was once a Christian foundation but is no longer, though it still represents itself as being.
Can I add another example of bullying within the Church of England. Organising a campaign to drive out an appointed bishop whose views you disagree with while claiming to represent an inclusive church.
Two NT characters come to mind. John the Baptist said “He must increase and I must decrease”, and Barnabas was a Son of Encouragement. To want others to flourish is a pleasing antidote to bullying to my mind.
Let’s add nepotism into the mix of power abuses!
Promoting family members to positions of power in churches is surprisingly common in my experience. Not only does the promotor derive less scrutiny and more compliance from the relative, a better qualified person is overlooked. The church suffers.
Of course a chosen son/daughter may indeed be very gifted, but often they are not. Spousal employment is almost endemic in some quarters. No one dares say anything.
Just some thoughts for a future post!
That’s one of the features of Bethel Redding, where the lead pastor has his wife, two sons, and their wives on the senior leadership team. I agree that nepotism is a red flag when evaluating the health of any organisation, and especially churches.
Trustees everywhere will be recoiling in horror at Janet’s example.
Let’s just say for the sake of expediency that all the family are actually working for their pay (if not at best it’s a tax dodge merging into a fraud on the church).
Sure, if you’re in leadership having people “on side” makes a tricky job easier, but how much pressure is there on the family to keep silent and how much pressure is there on the congregation not to say a word if things go adrift?
Who does the pay reviews? I’m sure some couples live in perpetual harmony and their children and in-laws too, but so far I haven’t encountered any. It’s one thing to work out interpersonal family difficulties in the privacy of your own home in small doses, but a completely different thing resolving differences in a high pressure work environment.
Of course many spouses do work in the same place (often unpaid) and do valuable work. However this nepotistic empire building is a significant departure from what’s good and right. There are so many risks here, it’s breathtakingly bad.
If you’re interested in the finances of Bethel Redding and the accountability of Bill Johnson and other leaders, Annelise Pierce has written a series of 3 blogs. I can’t copy and paste the URL from this tablet but Part 1 is titled ‘The Really Big Business of Bethel Church’.
Another danger signal is people who are reluctant to have accounts and finances scrutinised. Anyone who is honest should welcome having 2 or more unrelated people present when collections are counted, presenting accounts regularly, and having independent auditors.
Soon after starting at a new parish I entered the vestry one weekday morning and was shocked to find a woman I’d never seen before counting the collection on her own. She didn’t attend church at all but her husband was on the PCC. My feeling that that all was not as it should be was confirmed when she was heard discussing the names of donors in Boots.
I also knew a vicar who claimed expenses of £4K p.a., refused to submit receipts, and didn’t file income tax returns. My own expenses never totalled much over £1k.
Reviewing the link:
https://anewscafe.com/2019/09/30/redding/the-really-big-business-of-bethel-church-part-3-an-evangelical-disneyland-known-for-its-generosity/
Looking through these 3 articles Janet refers to is instructive.
A more subtle, but in my opinion sinister aspect of bullying, is the persuasion of especially young people that this is THE place to be despite their pay and conditions being poor. This is in contrast with the concentration of financial benefits at the top of the organisation. Indeed many of these volunteers are having to pay for the privilege of being there.
As Annelise Pierce says, ‘It takes participants some time to realize that the “culture of honor” flows mostly upward.’
Yes, Steve. The Vicar’s wife replacing the Reader. Or just someone the vicar, or Bishop, likes better. Seen that. I’ve even seen the aforementioned Vicar’s wife taking services, with no PTO, and wearing a black preaching scarf. No, she wasn’t ordained.
This can be soul destroying English Athena.
Bullying changes your life, and often changes you. You live in fear. When I moved and changed my circumstances, another source of unpleasantness was also removed. It wasn’t until it went that I realised how much that had affected me, too. And now that I’m out from under, I’m realising that the effect of my relationship with the Church was worse than I thought! I’m a different person! Much more plain spoken, for a start, which may not be an improvement, but is a result of the removal of fear.
Fine discussion above. Thanks!
I would add church discipline to the list, where excommunication is threatened to those with “unrepentant sinful lifestyles”. While understandable as a concept, in practice it too often involves singling out members of the congregation whose private lives are deemed not to fit into certain (almost exclusively sexual) boundaries. Transgressors are then forced out and if they don’t go quietly, are prevented from taking communion or simply “outed” to the congregation in what in the workplace would amount to constructive dismissal.
So sorry, Richard. All the best for the future. I too put up with a great deal because I wanted to bring up my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. In my case it worked, both are still committed Christians. You may have dodged the bullet with that school, actually.
Tough number, Richard. Thanks for sharing your experience of conflicting interests. Go well.
The impact on you and your family, Richard, cannot be underestimated. Thanks for sharing this story which many people following here will identify with.
Recovering from this sort of thing is difficult because it undermines the truth, integrity and values which we hold and assume are also central to our church communities.
By raising questions about the leaders’ wisdom and integrity, you did the right thing. It took courage to challenge the status quo, rather than covering it up or avoiding the issue like everyone else. Thanks again. Steve
That’s tough, especially as it so affects your children. I’d worry about the ethos and professionalism of a school which would reject a child, uninterviewed, solely on the basis of his/her difficulties with a local church. And be crass enough to say so in the rejection letter.
Hillside’s website is interesting for its remarkable lack of solid information about the church, pastor/s, and any leadership team. There’s plenty of soft soap, though, as you say. Strong on advertising, short on content. I note also that the website hasn’t been updated since Easter.
Is Hillside Wimbledon connected to other Hillside churches? I note there are a few.
It reads like the plot of Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’. It’s a sad tale and all too common in organisations, including churches and Christian societies. I’ve experienced variations of it more than once.
These experiences are wounding, because disruptive of formerly close relationships. That hurts. But I believe that in speaking out against abuses of power, and suffering the painful consequences, we are doing what God wants us to do. At least it leaves us with a clear conscience.
It sounds very unhealthy. You can console yourself with thinking your kids have had a lucky escape, but the rejection must still hurt.
Scary. Let Trinity Church Brentwood be a warning. https://victimsofbishopmichaelreid.blogspot.com/2020/08/whats-it-all-about.html