We are sorry, but please be patient: An Apology after IICSA

Stephen's Blog

– Anonymous

We are sorry

It is very hard

I do understand

It is all very difficult and we must do better

I was shocked by what I read

It was awful and I was saddened by it

We are ashamed of what has happened

We cannot go on like this

But some things have already improved

We are on a journey (please be patient)

We are full of regret

*

We are heading in the right direction

This will take time

We are listening and always have been

Bear with me I am on a steep learning curve

Obviously, I am concerned for you

We are taking steps (please be patient)

And we setting up proper processes

We are putting aside some money

I can’t say how much, or when, but hopefully soon

We need increased resources

I cannot answer that question now

I can’t say any more at this stage

*

We really are extremely sorry

I only have words

Yes, We know that words are not enough

That they do not compensate

But words are all we have at the moment -sorry

I understand your pain – I really do

So we will be putting new structures in place

It is hard to say exactly where responsibility lies

We know that this must be frustrating for you

Believe me – no-one is more frustrated than I am

Of course we care, which why I am talking now

I am committed to real change (please be patient)

We are sorry.  Believe me.

About Stephen Parsons

Stephen is a retired Anglican priest living at present in Cumbria. He has taken a special interest in the issues around health and healing in the Church but also when the Church is a place of harm and abuse. He has published books on both these issues and is at present particularly interested in understanding how power works at every level in the Church. He is always interested in making contact with others who are concerned with these issues.

31 thoughts on “We are sorry, but please be patient: An Apology after IICSA”

    1. REALLY? At least no one tried that one on me! Although a third party did once say to me, no, A and B (both clergy) wouldn’t do that! Mouth open emoji!

  6. This will be very difficult to hear….

    I am sorry it feels like you don’t matter…

    It’s not proportionate (to interview bishop & potential witnesses)

    We had no reason to disbelieve either account (but as we’re saying opposite things, one CANNOT believe both of us!)

    We will look at actions against the procedures at the time (ie if there isn’t a policy that tells you what to do when someone discloses they were raped, they can get away with doing nothing)😢

  7. Also, just did a tally of Diocesan websites. Only 2 of the 4 dioceses involved in my case have any comment on IICSA report. Of my 2 home dioceses, one has nothing, the other just the statement from Bp Jonathan and Melissa.
    I would have expected something in every diocese by now.

    We’re really sorry…

    Thank you for your patience…

  8. Due to data protection we can’t comment further…

    We have taken legal advice and must consider both parties…

    As the alleged abusers are now deceased and the claims unsubstantiated there is nothing more we can do.

    We are sorry and are learning many lessons.

    We know survivors are angry but as they are genetically predisposed to madness we don’t have to listen.

    Please be assured we are holding you in our prayers.

    1. I actually found the same cartoon online the other week when I was searching for “Fake Apologies” via Google (nothing to do with Safeguarding, by the way!). I liked it too – is there an untapped market there?

      1. Janet and Andrew. I do what many people do. I go into Google illustrations and type whatever is the title of the piece and see what comes up. There is the potential problem of copyright, but as I make no money from the blog, I hope that the owner will not ask me to take it down. In seven years I have only been asked to do this once. The author of the poem approved and the comments have indicated that everyone commenting has got into the swing of thinking of about ‘profound’ words of apology which have no substance. The cartoon illustrates that well.

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  12. I can now report that I had a Zoom meeting with Stephen Cottrell, the new Archbishop of York, a couple of days ago and it was refreshingly different from most of my contacts with bishops. He asked for suggestions, made a note of what I said, and has already begun action on two of them. He also made a promise which he has kept.

    I hope that this, plus developments elsewhere which I am noting, shows that some at least in the C of E appreciate the need to change the way things are done. Sadly, the signals coming from Lambeth are not so encouraging.

  13. Ok. Alia jacta est! I have pressed send on my letter to my bishop. I’ve never had anything positive out of these attempts before, indeed, it usually makes things worse. Triumph of hope over experience!

  15. I have some good news too!
    Survivors Voices are bringing together survivors to contribute to NST plans for change, and I & a colleague will be facilitating a focus group.

    I will also be setting up a mailing list & peer network for anyone interested in working with us and CoE in future involvement activities, including training, and any research/activism we initiate relating to church safeguarding & response to survivors generally.

    I want to ensure the widest representation, so please if you or anyone you know is interested in this, and/or the focus groups, please email me jane(at)survivorsvoices(dot)org

      2. Hi Mary, that’s great!
        Please email me with your email & I will send you details.
        Mine is jane (at) survivorsvoices(dot)com

        The words in brackets should be symbols but I write it like this to avoid spam.
        Look forward to hearing from you.

        1. Hello Jane, thanks but I have sent two emails which were returned to me. Could we use Stephen as a middleman to assist? Perhaps Stephen can pass on my email to you privately. If you then email me hopefully my reply will reach you. Thanks.

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