submitted by an Anonymous Contributor

                          National Safeguarding Team of the Church of England

                                                               Entrance Exam

Time Allowed: 3 hours                                                             Long Term Winter, 2022

Please make sure you use all sides of the paper. All questions must be answered.  No cheating permitted, although you can have extra time to ‘phone a friend, use Google, etc.  Calculators, dictionaries and other reference aids are allowed, provided you know how to use them.  Please remember this is ‘Formative Assessment’ leading to the eventual ‘Summative Assessment’.  Applicants who manage to meet the criteria in the overall ‘Summative Assessment’ will be deemed to have qualified.  Those who don’t meet the bar (this time!) are able to continue as members of the Safeguarding (Ongoing) Learning Community, and continue with their day-to-day work (i.e., Head of Safeguarding Services, Director of Safety and Care Operations, etc.), until they qualify.  These questions are, as with previous years, almost identical, thereby ensuring our Continuity in Excellence.

Questions:

1.  The average length of service for a USA conscript in WW2 was 33 months.  The average length of time to work within Church of England safeguarding is:

           a:    A well-kept secret (due to high turnovers of staff).

           b:    Well-known by the CofE Office for National Statistics.

           c:    The same as WW2 (but loss-rates are higher in some Dioceses).

          d:    A moment to change the subject and talk about something else.

           e:    24 months, but it is good to keep the Team refreshed with new faces.

2.  A “Lessons Learned Review” ideally contains:

a:    All material that must remain confidential and can easily be burned.

b:   One lesson to note; but nothing we needed to learn.

c:    The difficult things going on here we are not allowed to discuss.

d:    Forward-looking retrospective reflections on what change might look like….”.

         e:    All names of senior diocesan personnel redacted to comply with GDPR.

3. Maths Puzzler: Safeguarding Algebra.  If X = the value of Safeguarding Culture; Y = the actual personnel and resources available; Z = the specified (hyper-inflated) competency required to maintain the value of X; A*+ = the ideal conditions for functioning; and B^- = the actual contextual conditions at that time; and C = “Best Practice”, then calculate the following:

a. X/10 + Z/C – (Y)/110% (C+B)

b. 10/X – 7+Y (-A*+- C) + 50%/B^.

c. Turning your calculator upside down, then get as close as you can to making the word ‘safeguard’ using any numbers.

d. Why Google always crashes at this point.

e. Is this moment for a short coffee break?

4. The definition of a Vulnerable Adult in the Care Act (2016) is very carefully set out. In the NST, however, being a vulnerable adult is:

a. Someone feeling a bit rubbish today and slightly below par (temporarily vulnerable)

b. Anybody claiming to be one (must exclude all clergy).

c Anyone with pastoral needs of any kind.

d. Another means of complaining about clergy, and launching a CDM.

e. Complicated and not easy to define (see Core Group question later), which is why we have the NST to help these puzzles.

5. There are 120 serving Bishops in the Church of England. On average at any one time, how many have CDMS against them? Is it?

a. None. Don’t be silly! Bishops above such things.

b All of them. Bishops get complained about an awful lot.

c. 10, 20, 30, 40; or more?

6. How many Bishops “step aside from ministry” whilst a CDM against them is heard?

a. None. Don’t be silly! There would be no Bishops left.

b . They do what all clergy are made to do, and step aside. (Honest)

c. None; and you really do need to change the subject.

7. How many Safeguarding Staff are working for the Church of England?

a. Around 190.

b. Around 230 .

c. Hard to count, because they keep moving on or going off on sick-leave.

d. More that we had last week. But might be less next week with resignations.

e. About half.

8. In not less than 300 words, try and describe the Safeguarding Culture of your diocese (NB extra marks are awarded for “word power showers”, using terms like safe, secure, proactive, anticipative, extensive, impact, etc)

9. What response would you normally get to an Urgent Safeguarding Request?

a, “I am currently out of the office….. if your matter is urgent please …..”

b. “Your call is important to us and you are currently being held in a queue; please hold while we try to connect you. Alternatively, leave a message with your number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.

c “You will need to fill in this form.”

d “We are currently tied-up working on new policy guidelines”.

e. All our staff are out of the office on a training day”. (paint-balling bonding session).

10. Safeguarding should be at the top of every agenda on every PCC, Deanery Synod and Diocesan Synod reminds you of:

a. McCarthyism and “Reds under the Bed” being feared in Kentucky and Kettering.

b. “Eternal Vigilance is the price of Liberty”, which is why we come down so hard on anyone accused of anything, especially the clergy (but not Bishops or important Evangelical leaders, NB: not to be named in person).

c. The importance of of suspecting anyone of anything – Think “Neighbourhood Watch meets Salem Witch Trials”. OK, mistakes were made (in several regrettable cases) but everyone was much safer and slept more soundly as a result (unless you happened to be a suspect of some sort!)

d. The importance of putting the cat out before you lock up and go to bed.

e. How self-important safeguarding has become, although we still don’t understand how it ever developed like this.

11. The following shall be subject to Safeguarding Risk Assessments before the event or experience occurs

a. A bereavement visit (a potentially vulnerable person).

b Any Service involving any child. (NB includes Nativity Plays!)

c. Any meeting involving any person who might decide they are vulnerable.

d. Church Services which can, during worship, mean people do drop their guard a bit.

e. Clergy meeting anyone about anything, anytime, anyplace, anywhere.

12. In not less that 500 words, describe the Safeguarding Priorities, targets and goals in your Diocese for the next year. (NB: extra marks available for maps drawn, flowcharts, ‘hotspots’ identified, potential risks to be managed, opportunities for growth, and practical tips on how to promote the Culture of Fear that keeps Safeguarding at the top of everyone’s agenda, where it belongs.

13, If the answer is “43“. what was the question?

a. The most accurate estimate of children the Prime Minister has sired?

b. The maximum number for a Covid-compliant “gathering” at Downing Street with cheese, wine, games and Secret Santa, but without it being technically a “party”?

c. The number of times Boris says “look what the British people wants to hear is …” to deflect awkward questions during a BBC interview.

d. The number of new visionary ideas per night the Archbishop has for reforming the Church of England.

e. The actual number of serving Bishops in the Church of England currently with a live CDM against them. (see question 5, c)

14. Using the graph paper provided, plot the course of NST development over the next five years. You will need to set out the hypotenuse carefully, and using the formula for calculating critical mass and three dimensional area-density, establish the following:

a. At what point on your graph does safeguarding consume absolutely everything, but without creating an interstellar black hole?

b. Having located this point on your graph, explain how safeguarding can be at the centre of everything, on top of everything, underpinning everything, and also surrounding everything in the CofE, “in order to keep everyone safe”?

c. Where on the graph should your bible study and theological reflection about safeguarding be put? Everywhere; left outside; right outside; or other?

d. Using the numbers from question 3 a and 3 b, you should be able to identify the approved Bible passages for safeguarding training. For example, “24.7” could be Luke-Acts. But 100-1 is not biblical, and probably belongs to the Bhagavad Gita or The Book of Mormon. It might also be the Radio 4 tip for ‘Christmas Surprise’, running in the Boxing Day 2.30pm Steeplechase Meet at Lincoln.

e. Your graph paper should now reveal a labyrinth diagram on the right side of the hypotenuse. Using your red pen, calculate how quickly you can escape (on foot)!

15. Core Group Teaser.  NB: please circle in red pen the deliberate mistake(s) that don’t conform to this NST Policy and Guidelines FAQ Fact-Sheet:

“We are aware that some people receiving a letter from the NST without any warning may find the contents initially disturbing.  Your allocated pastoral support person has been provided to help with any concerns you may have.

We have also produced this brief list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs), and we anticipate that the answers to these FAQs will help to allay any misgivings you might have about the process you have now begun.

• Who will pay my legal fees?

This is not a legal process, so there should be no legal expenditure that you need to meet. We cannot be held responsible for any legal fees you may decide to incur.

• Should I get some legal representation, just in case I need support?

There is no need, as the NST, Core Groups and Investigators do not usually consult with lawyers during an investigative process and when making their determinations.

• You mention Core Groups.  Are the people on these trained?

No. They don’t need to be. They have all the PR and other skills needed to manage this situation, and you have pastoral support, so you don’t have to worry.  We don’t use lawyers or other specialists on the group, as it is not that kind of panel. The Core Group will communicate with you in due course, though the timing and content of any communications will vary. Minutes are taken, but these are confidential.

• What if my Core Group has bias, or conflicts of interest?

This is the Church of England, so we strive for balance and fairness.  We are moving towards training in unconscious bias, and adopting a conflicts of interest policy.

• Am I in some kind of Trial Proceedings?

No.  The NST, Core Group and our Lead Investigators do not have a role in establishing your guilt or innocence. Our role is to find out what happened, and what or who may be at fault.  Once the investigation is concluded, it may be that the recommended decision of the Core Group is your loss of licence, suspension, barring from ministry; or perhaps cleared.

But please do remember, these processes are not trial proceedings, which is why you do not need any legal support. We are just deciding on your future fitness to work in ministry, or be within 200 yards of a school, and that sort of thing.  You really don’t need legal advice for this.

• Are these Lead Investigators regulated?

No. They are mostly former police officers, so utterly reliable and above reproach.  The Lead Investigators are not formally trained in safeguarding, regulated, licensed or accountable to anyone, and tend to be self-employed, running their own business as consultants. However, this is offset by the clergy who are being investigated: because they are trained, regulated, licensed and accountable.

• What if the Investigation was or is being mishandled?

It won’t be. You should refer any concerns you may have to the NST. However, the NST cannot engage with anyone under investigation until the Core Group process is completed.

• What if I disagree with the decision or verdict you reach?

Our investigations are thorough, and we strive to be balanced and fair.

• Is there an Independent Chair I can appeal to, like an Ombudsman?

The Independent Chair is only able to look at the processes, guidelines and their general implementation, and cannot comment or adjudicate on any individual cases. You can refer any of your concerns to the NST.

• Is there a right of appeal to any decision?

You can refer any concerns you have back to the NST, or refer the matter on to your Bishop or Archdeacon, unless they were involved in the original claim against you.  If they were, then you may want to consider alternative avenues.  We have provided you with an allocated pastoral support-person as a resource, who might be able to advise further.

• Is there any point, or any hope?

We cannot advise you on such matters. However, your allocated support person will listen to any concerns you may have.

• Do Say: Well, the Church of England has come a long way on this journey already, and it is good to know that things are heading in the right direction.

• Don’t Say: Didn’t George Orwell predict this sort of thing in Nineteen Eighty-Four?

16. Melissa and Zena – random names from the NST Sorting Hat – can make a nice phonetic anagram. “Zan-E Assile-M” (pronounced Zany Asylum. In this final ‘Fun with Words‘ question, solve the puzzles against the clock by circling the right answer in red.

a. NST is also an anagram of : No Such Thing, No Sign of Thinking; No Stone Turned; National Systemic Travesty; Notorious Senseless Theorising, Never a Sodding Thought; other?

b. Core Group is a term for : approximation; general use, varying from place to place and time to time, depending on the situation in hand, etc., fluid, binary, defined and opaque (yes all of these!); deep reassurance when written down on paper, but hard to make without the right bits and pieces, people and instruction; re-abuse.

c. ‘Safeguarding’ in the Church of England first appeared in a novel by: George Orwell; J.R.Tolkien; Dante; Stephen King; J.K.Rowling; Franz Kafka; Bram Stoker; Margaret Attwood; Machiavelli; Ron Hubbard.

Congratulations on completing your NST Entrance Exam