‘Lord, hear our prayer
and let our cry
come to you.
Lord, I was too small to pray
Why did my cry
not come to you?’
from ‘Meditation on the Collect for Purity’ by Erice Fairbrother

It’s a pity the compilers of ‘Towards a Safer Church’ hadn’t read the above before putting together this collection of resources. If they had, they might have avoided a number of elementary errors. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

‘Towards a Safer Church’ is a collection of resources around the subject of safeguarding. It was released on 31 May and can be found on the Church of England’s website. There are repeated claims that the material has been put together with the help of survivors. However, I haven’t been able to find any evidence that this is true – and the resources don’t reflect the point of view of many who have suffered abuse.

The material is intended for use in several settings under the broad heading of safeguarding: safeguarding training; commissioning safeguarding reps; services of repentance for past failures; people falsely accused of abuse; and survivors of abuse. However, apart from a few prayers under different headings there is little guidance as to which of the resources is suitable for these very different circumstances. Moreover almost all of the material has been taken without adaptation from existing Church of England liturgies. There is therefore a very high likelihood that when intending to minister to survivors, the material used may be inappropriate. This would do more harm than good.
It’s worth looking at this more closely. It shouldn’t need saying but (and here’s a surprise!) survivors are not all the same. We were abused at different ages, in different settings and circumstances, by different people. These factors can make a big difference to what makes us feel comfortable or uncomfortable; what heals and what causes further pain. Most of us have ‘triggers’: words, phrases, situations which suddenly transport us back to the bad times, the situations where we were abused. Someone who was abused by a faith leader whose name was ‘Lamb’, for instance; might react strongly to the Agnus Dei or a picture of the Good Shepherd. Another who was taken as a child into a church to be ‘quiet before God’ and then abused might have flashbacks if silence in God’s presence is suggested. And a third survivor who was abused or groomed in the course of confession may have a strong aversion to confessing his/her sins. Those abused by family members may find themselves unable to relate to God as father, mother, brother and so on.

I would expect any selection of liturgical resources for survivors to include a warning that words or phrases used may trigger such a reaction. Likewise, anyone leading a service for survivors would be wise to find out, if possible, what the triggers for those likely to attend may be. They might also say at the start of the service that it’s all right to be emotional or
afraid, or to want to leave, and to make available people to support anyone who is distressed.

‘Towards a Safer Church’ contains no such advice. Worse, it displays absolutely no awareness of triggers. For although a few of our triggers may be as different as the circumstances of our abuse, there are some things common to us all. Abuse necessarily involves an imbalance of power; and sexual abuse often masquerades as love and affection. Therefore, any ministry to or with survivors should be very cautious of how it uses language describing God’s power and love – especially in a context where abuse is specifically remembered. There is a danger of triggering flashbacks and the return of painful emotions such as terror. anxiety, shame and false guilt. There is also the nagging question – why, if God is so powerful, did he not prevent the abuse?

I’ll quote here two more short snippets from the Meditation on the Collect for Purity:
ALMIGHTY GOD
…He was almighty
He held the power
over me – he was
so much bigger
you see.
You may have
created but
he destroyed
my world. …
THROUGH OUR SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST
Who are you that you ask me to call you Saviour?
When I really needed saving
from the sins of a sexual abuser
when I was locked up in silence
when I was isolated and surrounded by confusion
where were you, Saviour of the world?…

Some readers will be uncomfortable with these questions, and with this treatment of a familiar part of our liturgy. If that is you, you might ask yourself: what is it like to have to live with these questions hour by hour – and within a Church which seems oblivious to the possibility they might be asked?

One of the recommended liturgies includes the Collect for Purity, under the title ‘Prayer of Preparation’. Bishop Libby Lane, in her blog on the website, cites it as a prayer a survivor friend finds helpful. This illustrates the point that the different circumstances of abuse will produce different triggers. A person who was abused as a teenager and in a secular setting will react differently to one abused as a young child and in a Christian setting. Two survivors with similar histories may not have the same triggers; and a survivor who is working through the abuse will respond differently at different times. But, at some point the questions raised by Erice Fairbrother’s ‘Meditation’ must be faced.

What is needed, therefore, is liturgical material which acknowledges painful emotions and hard questions. Above all. It must show sensitivity to what the various issues may be, and
a willingness to be alongside and learn from survivors. I find those qualities completely lacking in ‘Towards a Safer Church’.