by ‘Angela’
Recently I received this account from a reader of the blog. It gives us an insight into the way that power can sometimes operate destructively in a parish. Here, a ministry exercised by an apparently competent woman priest has been undermined and possibly destroyed by the actions of a determined clique of parishioners who were against her. Many others have been damaged by the fall-out, including the writer herself. Our narrator does not offer us explanations which uncover the true motivations of those who were attacking the ministry of the Vicar. No doubt misogyny was playing its part, together with an unconscious patriarchy. Those who are reared on a diet of male superiority may find the role of women in authority hard to accept. We have, at the same time, to be open to the possibility that there may be a counter-narrative to this account. Some salient facts in the account do, however, suggest that the perspective of the writer is largely an accurate one. She speaks of two meetings, presumably organised by the diocese, to resolve the hostile activities of the ‘clique’ and find out the grounds for the complaints. If such meetings took place and there was no agreement of any kind hammered out by the disputing parties, then this diocese appears not to be employing adequately trained mediators. Mediation skills are essential in any organisation. When disputes of this kind are not able to be resolved, then the costs, human and financial, are likely to be massive. An ability to understand and resolve issues of institutional power is one of the central pleadings of this blog. We all have witnessed the massive ‘cost’ of the Winchester affair, in terms of destroyed morale and sheer financial losses, when mediation failed. Events which involve escalating dysfunctions of power in the Church seem to be increasingly common. The Church must find ways of stopping mini disasters like the one recounted below, from happening. Mediation and true reconciliation are not just words, but positive weapons in the struggle to re-establish truth and integrity in the Church. Without them the Church cannot have a bright future.
Angela’s Account
I have been a member of my parish for many, many years, a small rural church. After the retirement of the former Vicar, a young female priest was appointed to the post. She was very welcoming, warm and pleasant with everyone. This was her first position of sole charge, and she was anxious to do things correctly. We were aware that good support was our responsibility so that she could more easily settle into her ministry with us. Her sermons were outstanding, and this new Vicar brought a modern approach to the ministry during the difficult period of lockdown – zoom meetings, live streaming services and covid secure precautions for everyone.
Quite early on in her ministry, a senior male member of our PCC began to ignore emails and requests from the Vicar. This we could not understand. This hostility and unkindness became public when this PCC member berated the Vicar in front of everyone at the Annual Parish Meeting. The complaint had something to do with his position in the church. Many parishioners were naturally upset to witness this outburst. He was also accusing other church officers of always doing things ‘by the book’ in the way they carried out their church duties.
The new Vicar made many attempts at reconciliation with the PCC member, but these were not effective. Quite soon there followed a churchwarden announcing that he was stepping down from his duties for ‘personal reasons’. This churchwarden was conspicuously avoiding the services when the Vicar was present, only attending when she was taking services at the main benefice church.
The hostility towards the Vicar by this churchwarden extended to actions aiming to undermine her position. Then a small group of people started to complain about the Vicar’s sermons. These had always satisfied the majority of the members of the congregation. Complaints turned into tutting and shaking of heads during the service. The next stage was a refusal to go up for communion when the Vicar was present. This was not the case when a visitor took the service. Such actively negative behaviour was distressing to witness for the other members of the congregation. It could be described as a mobbing situation. It was as though this group were determined to demonise the Vicar and destroy her confidence.
It was very hard to establish exactly what was going on. She tried as far as possible to meet each complaint or challenge in a calm way. She was always apologising for any possible misunderstandings in the church and always trying to make sure everyone was included in all the decisions made by her and the Church Council. The small clique of parishioners who were undermining and unsettling the Vicar seemed to be threatened by the fact that she had authority in the church. It was not the fact that this authority was used aggressively or inappropriately. It was simply the fact that such spiritual authority existed in a church congregation.
The hostility towards the Vicar was then extended to anyone who showed appreciation or support for her. The bullying, undermining and isolating was turned on to them. After a few months the situation became so bad that the Vicar’s health started to suffer. She decided that her ministry had become untenable and made arrangements to move away to another church.
Many parishioners were extremely upset at losing this young enthusiastic joyous and kind Vicar.
Our diocese did intervene on two occasions by holding meetings to air the issues and seek some kind of resolution to the problems. Both were unsuccessful in stopping the bullying and preventing the continuing negative narratives aimed at the Vicar. Those PCC members who supported the Vicar began to leave the church. They could not tolerate witnessing the abusive behaviour being exhibited towards the Vicar. Overall church attendance also dropped off at this time. People were aware there was ill feeling within the PCC and elsewhere.
I did manage to discuss the whole situation with our parish safeguarding officer. She did take it up and report to her link person in the Diocese, the DSO. He acted immediately on receiving the report and passed it on up the Diocese. Unfortunately no one in the diocesan safeguarding team saw fit to take the report seriously, so no action resulted on the part of the authorities to help the situation.
The PCC members who had supported the Vicar’s ministry asked for a meeting with a representative from the diocese. This individual told us that he was sorry about the Vicar leaving in response to the bullying. He claimed that there was nothing that could be done about it, but it was suggested by them that relationships needed to be addressed prior to a new Vicar being appointed.
Our young Vicar left our church with a bad atmosphere caused by the clique.
I have witnessed the following: Bullying, mobbing, obfuscation of the truth, intimidation, abuse of power and control, sexism and duplicitous actions.
l am saddened, disappointed and angry at how slowly the Church of England approached and dealt with this situation. Thus, very quickly it escalated into a very damaging situation for our church.
I have since left the church due to the impact on my mental health.
I lost my Vicar, my church and my health.
Those who were responsible for the unacceptable behaviour stayed in the church and they seemed to act with complete impunity.
It is an experience l do not ever want to repeat.
This is really shocking, and sadly not uncommon. I have been involved with parishes in one capital city diocese in Australia for the last 30 years. Over the past 15 years I am aware of at least four parishes where severe bullying of clergy has taken place. I have seen this behaviour unfold in a variety of situations, some involving women clergy, some involving men. It’s fair to say that when this has been allowed to happen in a church community once it will happen again.
There’s a helpful book by Dennis Maynard, When Sheep Attack. It assisted me recovering from a high conflict parish. It’s worth tracking down.
Only two things that happen with these situations.
One is the diocese gets involved at the peak of the conflict, and adds fuel to the fire. I’ve seen bishops come on pastoral visits when the priest is being set on fire, and rather than pouring flame retardant on the bonfire the effect is more like adding accelerant. Once the situation bursts into full flame the diocese generally doesn’t want to be involved, and so the problem festers for a generation. Often the parish ends up appointing a ‘strong leader’ who brings ‘renewal’ (crowds at worship, an uptick in rites such as baptisms and weddings), all while actually de-skilling the community from having the sorts of conversations that would address the now-submerged issues. My sense from observing the cycle is that it makes for a dangerous situation for clergy coming in the future who would want to lead differently, and locks the parish into spiritual infantilism.
The other is where the diocese stays well away and a locum priest is appointed for a set amount of time with clear authority to help the community reset. People need to be given space to share and reflect on the story, and where aggressors have begun rewriting the history to absolve themselves there needs to be accountability. Bad behaviour needs to be called out and named. Processes for dealing with conflict early and effectively need to be spelled out and agreed as part of how the community operates. People who engage in bullying behaviour must expect to be offered the opportunity to work on their issues, and if the bad behaviour continues, to be asked to find somewhere else to worship.
Most people would instinctively feel this violates their sense of what a faith community should be like, but I think that ultimately facilitates destructive behaviour. The priority must be a community where hospitality, support, and accountability exist together. And where people can be safely supported to grow to spiritual maturity.
Thank you for publishing this. So sad but sadly not as infrequent as many would l8ke to think
A sad story and many readers will recognise the scenarios from their own experiences.
It is an outline only of course, and I wonder if there are more data available to help understand the situation? That the diocesan interventions were unsuccessful isn’t surprising.
Church disputes go back to New Testament times. This is no justification for them obviously. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
Thanks for posting this very very sad account, Stephen. It is sadly not the only such. I was only yesterday talking to a young clergy person in another diocese with a similar story. This is an issue that the network of Diocesan Lay Chairs have been looking at, especially as we seek to work with our clergy chair colleagues and Diocesan officers to put flesh on the bones of the Clergy Wellbeing covenant. Covid has slowed us down with many networking opportunities not happening, and now new diocesan synods and GS elections. We will however take it up again. Winchester showed us that we don’t have to sit back and allow abusive cultures or abuse-tolerant cultures to remain unchallenged.
(Peter Adams, Lay Chair, Diocese of St Albans)
Hi Peter, thanks for contributing and I hope you don’t mind my asking, but your statement:
‘ This is an issue that the network of Diocesan Lay Chairs have been looking at, especially as we seek to work with our clergy chair colleagues and Diocesan officers to put flesh on the bones of the Clergy Wellbeing covenant.’
I don’t actually understand what this means. Would you briefly be able to clarify please?
Thanks, Steve
Thanks Steve. Not quite sure what your familiarity is with CofE structures. So forgive if I say what’s obvious.
Laity in every diocese elects a Lay Chair, similarly clergy a Clergy Chair, who cochair synod with the Bishop. Usually sit on Bishops Council, usually chair subcommittee setting synod agenda, etc. Plus a varying amount of other stuff, but it’s essentially access to Bishop and key senior staff, and being seen as a neutral voice for laity or clergy. I network with Deanery lay chairs etc, so used well the role is an effective means to gather concerns, but also observe stories like this tragic post, interact with clergy concerns in conjunction with my clergy chair colleague etc. And where appropriate to raise concerns with Bishop and senior staff.
The problem with many abuse and bullying issues has been they have got lost or been been purposefully blocked in the diocesan structures. And the deference culture of the church has meant it doesn’t quickly get challenged. The governance structures of the church used properly and well provide ways to get past that.
A governance structure which can be overridden isn’t fit for purpose, surely, particularly if many abuse and bullying cases are lost or blocked?
To be honest I suspect the problems are because the governance structure isn’t working as fully as it could, probably because many of those in it don’t see it’s role and in some cases are restrained by deference. Used well it provides plenty of checks and balances to remove at least a couple of layers of cover up, obfuscation etc.
Also worth tracking down is “A Guilty Secret: The bullying of ministers in the church” by Sheila Martin.
When we started going to a new church, it was partly because I thought the Rector, a former Baptist, was “sound”. Sadly, he was being put under a lot of pressure by the church wardens and decided to retire early. It turned out that the Diocese had been messing him about, too. He wasn’t greatly hurt, fortunately, just cheesed off, but it’s terrible that it happens at all.
So saddened to read this but bullying within the church happens so often. I am unfortunately in the situation of having to leave my church due to bullying by the vicar and one Parish Warden. Many others have followed. Our oversight treasurer was told ‘if you don’t like my style of ministry you should leave’. This due to questioning wanton spending, lack of communication with the PCC and ‘the stripping of the altars’ in one of our churches. We have gone from a loving, active, worshiping community to a very sad place where the majority of hard working people have felt the need to leave and the Parish Wardens seem not to care that it’s happening. As a PCC member I felt unable to be part of a church where I was responsible not just for the fabric but for the spiritual welfare of the congregation (and told I couldn’t hold my views and stay on). I feel like I have been dragged through the reformation, my understanding of the Eucharist belittled and everything I hold dear stripped away.
Lydia, my experience has been similar, belittled and shunned. I’ve stopped attending, full stop. I stay at home on Sunday. Mediation was suggested but I didn’t go down that road, because the one offering to mediate, was a central part of the bad situation. I’m gradually getting over it and finding other ways.
So sorry to hear your story Petra and pray you find a new church who will welcome you. I have been welcomed and loved in another parish so I’m attending every Sunday. Unfortunately it’s an hour’s journey so can’t always join in with other things. The priest is also my spiritual director so I have somebody to listen. I’m just so sad it has come to this xx
You can be heard on this site Lydia and Petra. And we all listen. I pray things change soon.
I think the Church of England has a particular problem with bullying, and with power issues in general. Our attitudes to power come partly from our being so entwined with the Establishment and its attitudes to power, and may go all the way back to the way we were founded by Henry VIII.
However, other churches and denominations have issues with bullying too. My cousin used to be a Baptist minster, but was effectively bullied by the deacons in his first church when he was fresh out of college. They used to bypass him completely in decision-making – they didn’t even notify him when they were meeting. He had a very rough time there.
Of course, it’s very difficult to deal with bullies when they are volunteers rather than employees. But the Church ought to do more to try.
Fortunately, secular law is ahead of us here. These things are increasingly recognised in law.
For many, leaving a church is a shattering experience. Particularly so when the circumstances are such as described above.
Being in a church community and engaging in regular worship and other works of service can be a matter of identity. It’s much more than choosing Sainsbury’s or Morrisons. It’s a part of your purpose and existence.
That’s why it can be so devastating when it’s lost. Trying somewhere different is plain sailing for some, but harder for many and impossible for a few.
These losses may seem trivial to the powers that be, but need to be understood if any serious attempt is to be made to stem the (out)flow of regular church attendees.
I was part of a small rural church 1969/ 1971, our vicar was in his first parish after recovering from a serious breakdown having been harassed and bullied by another village church. I came across the same thing in 1980s again a village church and was told that there are places with a deep and long history of tormenting their vicars until they leave, anti-clerical villages exist!