Episode Three: The Assistant Coach Steps In

After some better results for Lambeth Palace FC, the issues over game-management and team selection have not gone away.  An independent regulatory investigation into the football club reveals an organisation that is mired in bad management, poor leadership, lack of professionalism, financial losses, corruption, and basic failures in running a club.  The Club potentially faces a huge fine.  With Justin Welby called away to manage the England friendly fixture against an All-Star Post-Colonial XI, Assistant Coach Steve Cottrell is in the hot-seat for the interview.

Gaby: Steve, welc….

Steve: Gaby can I just stop you right there and interrupt you before you start, and say how glad I am to be here talking to you today, and also to the fans? As you know, we love the fans. They make the club what we are, and I want to pay tribute to them for their support and fortitude. I know things have been difficult for them in recent times, and I can only say ‘sorry’ once again. I know that it sometimes seems like we keep saying that – and we do – but we always mean it. We will do better. We have to be allowed to get this right, and I genuinely believe that we will do that one day soon. We know we have to do better, and get things proper. We have a great team, and great board of directors, a fabulous Chair and Owner, and a top manager. The only things we need to fix are the results, and we are working on fixing all future results. We obviously can’t go back and change the results, though believe me, we have had a long look at that possibility, but it’s too difficult, apparently. Look, we are really listening to the fans here. I know it’s hard for the fans when we don’t get the results they want, and the performances are below par, but as I’ve said before to the fans, we can only say ‘sorry’ here, and repeat that we are sorry, genuinely, for the heartache, failings and mistakes we have made in management and leadership of this club. We just need more time to get this right, and we will. We are listening hard to the fans, and really listening this time. It’s hard for us too, as the fans know. But as we listen, we learn. For example,  I just bumped into a fan on the way to this interview, and he said to me, “Steve, you are not our enemy, but we badly need a change now, and you really do need to be on your…” and I stopped him right there and said,

“…thank you, you know, I hear that, I really do. And we are here to be part of that change and deliver it to the fans, because that is what the fans have asked us to do. Results will pick up, and once we have completed our internal reviews, run by our own excellent in-house staff, we will be able to turn this around, and get where we need to be…”

The fan just walked away after I’d explained our position over the next ten minutes, but he didn’t register any disagreement whilst I was speaking. So yes, I know that at present the results have not gone our way, and I have said ‘sorry’ to the fans for that because we know they expect better. But that is what this game is all about. We are here to win, and I genuinely believe we can, given enough time, turn things around, get things right, and be back to our old winning ways. Of course I am sorry that it hasn’t been a good season so far – or even with much to cheer about for several years now – but we need continuity, not change, and that’s why we continue to invest in our own internal strategies and tried-and-tested methods, because they’ve got us this far, and put us in this position, which I believe is a position of real potential for success and growth.  It is always sad when so-called external bodies try and intervene in the workings of a great club like ours, but look Gaby, we’ll take those independent reports on the chin, we’ve set up our own working party to look at the recommendations made to us, and as a sign of our good faith that working party was put together and started its work even before the independent reports were even published. You can’t get more proactive than that, can you? I mean, this just shows how ahead of the game we really are, and how much we welcome any recommendations for change that consolidate and confirm our current good practice and conduct in the game as a whole. As I say, I have said ‘sorry’ to the fans for this poor run of results, because we know we should be doing better. What we now need is more time to get things right, less pressure for critics and doomsters who keep telling us and everyone else that its only getting worse. Actually, if they just shut up a bit, that would be an improvement without us needing to do anything, and we’d then be free to get on and work out which of these independent scrutiny reports to take a look at first, because as I say, we take this all very seriously, and we know the fans are concerned. But nobody is more concerned than I am, and that’s why I am asking the supporters for more time, more support, and to be left alone to fix this, so we don’t have to keep coming back to interviews like this time and time again, saying ‘sorry’ to the fans, when what we all want to be doing is saying ‘that was a great game, and we deserved to win, because winning is what this great football club is all about… [editor: this continues for another ten minutes, and for reasons of space and the mental welfare of readers, has been cut at this point].

Gaby: Well, there’s not much more time left for the interview here, but can I just run a couple of issue by you, as some of these independent reports have expressed quite serious concerns about some of the players and officials?

Steve: I have not been briefed about this by the Chairman and Owner, as he is the only one who gets to read these reports and respond to them. Is there a problem?

Gaby: You could say that. One report notes that whilst it is not without precedent to have a player-manager in the team, and maybe a separate captain, it does require some thinking through as to who has which role.

Steve: I accept that, but look, the Chairman and Owner picks the team, and he sometimes gets so heavily involved in selection and so excited by the action in a game that he sits with us in the players area, but usually well out of sight of the cameras as he gets very nervous about the media lip-reading him.

Gaby: …hmm, yes, I think we are aware of how much influence Mr. Nye has on the team selections, fixtures and results. I guess as the Chairman and the Owner he has a personal investment in how things go?

Steve: Yes, he does, and we are all the richer for that…

Gaby: …but what I was really meaning about player roles is that yes, you can have a player-manager, and a goalie that goes up at the end of a match to join the attack, and even a defender who can put on a goalie jersey if needs be. Plenty of players can play left and right, deep and wide, midfield and wing-back. But your matches have player-referees. These are players on your books who are also officiating at your matches.

Steve: What’s wrong with that? I mean, players who know the game and all the tricks of the trade make for ideal refs – they won’t stand any nonsense from the teams who are into diving and faking injuries and all that kind of malarky. There is an argument that says all refs should ideally be former, recent or current players.

Gaby: Er, maybe. But your match officials are also your players, so Mr. Nye is not just doing the team selection – he’s also picking the referees and the linesmen, whom he also happens to be paying to officiate at matches involving his teams.

Steve: Yes, but the ref is the ref, so independent. He stands above the match, and is beyond repute.

Gaby: …er, yes, but you can surely see the problem here? Mr. Nye might own both teams playing each other, and also selects the referees and linesman, who are also on his books as players. Don’t you think that is a bit odd…potentially corrupt, even?

Steve: No, I can’t see how. They’re all independent of each other, and everyone knows the rules of the game. Mr. Nye has a hand in match fixtures, and in choosing the teams and the officials. But that’s as far as it goes. After that, it is an open game. I mean, we all know that Mr. Nye has a gameplan and a result in mind. He’s a go-getter, and he’s very successful. If he needs a score draw from the two teams he happens to own when they play each other, I honestly can’t see how any of this is a problem for football.

Gaby: I think we’ll leave it there, Steve. Thanks for talking to us. Good luck with the listening. Gary, back to you in the studio.