When the word addiction is used, our minds quickly turn to alcohol, drugs or possibly gambling. The more our minds think about the phenomenon, the more we realise that addictions exist in many areas of life. Addiction seems potentially to involve any human activity where the pleasure centres of the brain are stimulated so that we develop a strong craving for a repetition. There are some addictions that I can confess to which are relatively harmless. For example, I am ‘addicted’ to a cup of strong coffee with my breakfast. Fortunately, because of the side-effects, I am put off repeating this experience during the rest of the day. The pleasure centre receives its kick and remains satisfied until the same time the following day.
Many addictions are in fact harmful. If the pleasure people receive from viewing pornography or playing computer games is sufficiently powerful, they might be tempted to put off all other activities that demand their attention. This might include physical self-care, like eating and sleeping. The most serious addictions are those that fill the imagination and attention even when we are not indulging in them. The drug or sex addict may spend much, if not most, of his/her time thinking about the next fix. Whatever else can be said about this physical longing, we can observe that it is unproductive of any worthwhile activity. From a Christian point of view, some of our energy should normally be focussed on others. If we spend all our time thinking about satisfying our brain pleasure receptors, then that that means there is no time or imagination left for thinking about others, let alone supporting or caring for them.
My thinking on the whole area of addictive behaviour that people indulge in has been greatly influenced by some words written by the distinguished psychoanalyst, Heinz Kohut. He is one of the two theorists who, in the 1970s, along with Otto Kernberg, gave shape the emerging concept of the narcissistic personality. Both these writers wrote in dense prose, so their thinking has not penetrated far beyond specialists in this area. Kohut himself did write one accessible piece in a book preface. There, in three pages, he linked the narcissistic personality to the individual with addiction issues. Addiction and narcissism are linked, Kohut declares, because each is attempting to fill the hole caused by a defective ‘self’. The word ‘self’ is being used in a very precise defined way to signify the way the human personality can only flourish when it has inside what he calls ‘self-objects’. These self-objects are what the parent provides for a child in terms of affirmation, so that a secure and coherent sense of identity can be achieved. The self is a kind of co-creation between parent and child which results in the child having a solid sense of self and a firm psychological core. It is an absence of such self-objects (parental attention) which can cause the child, and later the adult, to reach out for substitute objects to make up for what is missing in the construction of a secure personality. In other words, Kohut sees all the addictions as attempts by a damaged or incomplete self to fill up the empty hole of relationships. The lack of these has taken away the possibility of having something solid and secure at the centre of one’s being.
This construct by Kohut, that a damaged or incomplete personality desperately reaches out to extract pleasure, praise and other forms of personal gratification to fill an emptiness inside us, does make a lot of sense. I am not sure that, as a theory, it helps us to describe all that is going on in the cases of what we might refer to as accidental addictions. There must be, among the many manifestations of addiction, some which are purely physical and may not owe their existence to a prior emotional need at all. In other words, some manifestations of addiction, including drugs, sex and alcohol may be originally to do with staving off mild boredom rather than experiencing emotional deprivation. The reason for an addiction being hard to shed may be to do with the way the pleasure centres of the brain are activated, and these are difficult to switch off. Withdrawal symptoms are physically real and painful.
In the last resort, we may suggest that addictions of whatever kind may be a combination of narcissistic needs which may arise from a defective upbringing, together with a simple search for thrills caused by an environment where ‘everybody is doing it’. In this blog we have identified how many of the power games that we encounter in churches have narcissism at their heart. The bully or the abuser is quite likely to be exposing some deeper need in these acts of power abuse. There may also be, as we suggested, the enjoyment of and addiction to power for its own sake. Where one ends and the other begins is never easy to specify. There are likely to be elements of both in anyone who manifests an addiction, such as the compulsion to bully. We come back to that central question which we often ask on this blog. What is going on here? The answer we give may utilise elements of psychologically informed insight alongside a gut feeling about the true motivations of individuals who display abusive behaviour.
Narcissistic/addictive behaviours are found in a variety of scenarios in the churches. The sexual abuser may well be working out an addictive need for power and domination, while also possessing the narcissist’s giftedness at manipulating others. The bully may well have an identical psychological profile but avoids crossing the boundary into criminality. The sense of gratification through being powerful may be in the context of a life carrying the imprint of past shame and humiliation. Bullying in this setting will often have the signs of addiction about it. This is especially dangerous in any institution run on goodwill like a church congregation. It ought to be possible to identify the would-be ministers who have this tendency to pursue narcissistic gratification before they begin service. Unfortunately, these same individuals are often skilled at making a good impression with selectors. The abusers do, in fact, often get called out and we must be grateful to the anonymous selectors who put a block on John Smyth’s desire to enter the ordained ministry. It is interesting, in passing, to observe the way that Smyth’s compulsion to beat boys became more and more extreme as time went on. There are suggestions in Graystone’s account that Smyth himself recognised that he was in the grip of terrifying addictive compulsion over which he had little control.
Addiction and narcissism being acted out in bullying abusive behaviour, have a further thing in common. They seem to have an obsessive quality about them. Addictions and narcissistic compulsions also do not necessarily lessen with age. If anything, they can become worse. Drug taking, excessive alcohol and gambling often become more severe as time goes on. Also, the self-inflated narcissist in a church may become more outrageous with the passage of time. The people around them have been, over the years, successfully coerced to support them in their self-delusions of fame and control. If these bystanders had wanted to criticise or stand up to the narcissist, they would have found themselves forced off the scene a long time before.
It is a sad fact of life that Christian people, even Christian leaders, can become addicted to forms of behaviour that harm and hurt others. Most addictions do considerable harm to the one suffering from them, but here on this blog, we constantly meet the places where the pursuit of power and gratification spills over to damage others. We have asked the question what is going on here? But the further question needs to be faced. Where is the power in this situation? If we can answer that question, it may be possible to see clearly what is going on and how power is being misused. The Church may need to become better at removing people from leadership positions where they are actively harming others. But before that is possible, there will have to be a far better understanding of the dynamics of power that I have outlined. We may need another generation to arise who can be taught the rudiments of power in institutions and the corruptions caused by narcissistic behaviour. We are, sadly, a long way from this kind of insight!