by Anon

The latest diocesan guidelines for ministry in our local church have just come though the letter box. It is exactly the kind of thing you’d expect to read. It is a document drafted with “legal support” from the diocese, and by our “safeguarding team”. My reaction to the document, as a clergyperson, was one of fear and incredulity.  The letter and document tells me that failure to comply could result in the loss of my ministry, and perhaps in criminal prosecution.

Some of the letter is very sensible, albeit lacking legal nuance. I am told that the definition of a child is “anyone under 18”. I have a small youth group that are under-18s, and am keenly aware that the age of consent is 16. The laws on the consumption of alcohol are rather grey at the best of times, and once a child reaches the age of 16 they can join the armed services, and will soon be able to vote. They can drive a car at 17, and with parental permission, marry at 16. Treating a 17-year-old as a child in any church youth group doesn’t seem very smart to me, but I understand the need of the diocese to be risk-averse.

The definition of a vulnerable adult (or protected adult) advanced by the diocese is also vague. The diocesan document says “temporary impairment” could place any adult in this category. So it will cover anyone recently bereaved, or struggling with some other serious pastoral or personal crisis. (I think to myself, the church is full of such people all the time, and all of us who minister, including me, fall into this category – surely the church is a God’s field hospital for the broken?).

My diocese says that everyone who ministers in the congregation is now required to be regulated according to the new guidance. If someone is in regular contact with children or vulnerable/protected adults in any interface that is “ministry”, this requires “authorisation” by the bishop. Ministry is defined as “anyone who has regular contact providing religious activities”. That could be overseeing the orange squash and biscuits for the children after church. If that is a regular duty, and there is a rota, then this falls within the regulatory framework, and so volunteers who are on the rota need to trained and subject to the criminal bar (DBS) checks.

The guidance acknowledges that someone stepping in to help on this rota as an emergency to fill a gap would be acceptable. But if that person is regularly helping, they need to be checked, regulated and licensed/authorised. Anyone with “regular contact” in any sphere of ministry with children or protected/vulnerable adults is now subject to such regulatory scrutiny.

The diocese tells me that this is my responsibility. It also tells me that in the church “safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility”.  All of this is presented as “new guidance”, though please note, it is not guidance, because the threats and penalties for not following it make it clear that these are mandatory stipulations.

My diocese also has some other mantras that appear, on the face of it, to be unrelated to the new safeguarding .guidance. We have been repeatedly told – I cannot remember a decade of my ministry when the bishop at the time has not said – that we are to encourage “every-member ministry” in our churches. That “all Christians have a ministry and vocation”. That the church – especially the laity – have to be “released” to discover what ministry they have. And that being part of the church is to belong “to the whole ministry of the baptised people of God”.

If this is true, then I think to myself, not unreasonably, that it would appear that everyone attending church, unless very occasionally or just very casually, needs some kind of licence to enable them to be part of a congregation. After all, if they are doing so regularly, they must have some kind of ministry and vocation. 

Anyone could find themselves ministering to a bereaved person who happens to come to church, and simply asks for prayer and consolation from the person they are sitting next to. I’d hope most of my congregation would know what to do, and could extend compassion, help, support, prayer to such a person. (But please note, the new guidelines from my diocese say that anyone sitting in the pews faced with this kind of pastoral situation should immediately find the licensed or authorised person to respond to the person in need, and absolutely not step in – so the bereaved must be left until the correctly vetted respondent is found).

Then I think of those in our congregation for whom the legislation and ‘guidance’ ostensibly protects.  Our youth group takes an evening service once a month, and it ministers powerfully to the rest of the congregation. Those who are retirees and of advanced years find the energy and exuberance of the youth-led services to be inspiring and moving, and a young person will often deliver a short talk that rouses the congregation.  Does the youth group leading the worship and the ministry like this need to be vetted by the diocesan safeguarding protocols? Or should such ministry not be allowed, as the youth are all under-18?

Every week the Sunday School children give us feedback – within the worship – on what they have learned. Many adults in the congregation can find this more inspiring and moving than the sermons. Jesus and the New Testament had some important things to say about the wisdom that comes from the (seemingly) young and foolish. I wonder if these short, regular children’s slots in worship need vetting?

And we do have some in our congregation who are, quite clearly, protected or vulnerable adults. They have a range of physical and mental disabilities, and live in either nearby sheltered accommodation or a local care home. They vary in age from young to old. They always come with their carers or are accompanied by family and friends. But they have a ministry in our congregation too. Some take a slot by being on welcoming duty, in leading our intercessions, or being on the rota for reading one of the lessons. Without fail, the rest of the congregation testify to how much this ministers to them. So I find myself asking who is offering the ministry here, and who is being ministered to? 

If I read the guidance from the diocese correctly, it operates with a prevailing presumption that he able-bodied and ‘mentally-normal’ (for want of a better phrase) are the those who need to be licensed, and those who are less able or classified as children or vulnerable are the ones to be protected. But the experience of my own church suggests that this paradigm doesn’t work. We minister to each other. 

The safeguarding guidance we have seems to have missed the quiet revolution in disability theology that has matured in power and influence over the last 25 years, and which grew out of secular developments in disability studies. The guidance also seems peculiarly ignorant of the literature in the field. I think of Nancy Eiesland, The Disabled God: Towards a Liberatory Theology of Disability (Nashville, Abingdon Press, 1994). Or of Josie Byzek’s assertion that “people have disabilities because people are human –  impairment is a natural part of the human state.” We all have vulnerabilities. That is part and parcel of what being a human is.

To begin with, disability theologians had focused on issues of accessibility of places of worship. But the same theologians would later argue that theological reflection on disability could not be limited to questions of rights and access alone. They began to question the underlying theological anthropology of Christian churches. Theologians such as John Swinton, Brian Brock and John Hull have written powerfully and persuasively in this field. Part of their argument is that the majority of theologians in history were ‘able-bodied’ and that, therefore, the experience of disability had not been taken into account in the development of doctrine.

For example, in John Hull’s case (a theologian who gradually went blind), he showed how most theologians had developed negative biblical hermeneutics on the metaphor of blindness. But that only works because the people writing the theology were sighted.  Hull developed a hermeneutic that narrated blindness in a more positive theological light. (John Hull, In the Beginning There Was Darkness: A Blind Person’s Conversations with the Bible, London, SCM Press, 2001).

The new diocesan safeguarding guidelines seem to be oblivious to these major developments in theology. And it reminds me of the puzzling ‘Q&A’ that features in Luke 10: 10:25-37.  A lawyer asks Jesus, “Who is my neighbour?”. Jesus answers the lawyer’s question with a story about a good Samaritan – a person who would have posed all kinds of ritual, tribal, religious and implied threats and risks to the victim of the story, who would have been a God-fearing Judean.

One important feature of the parable is that the Samaritan would have been perceived as posing an additional threat to the most vulnerable individual in the parable. So we could argue that in being perceived as a potential threat to the victim, the Samaritan also renders themselves vulnerable. Come to think of it, I find it hard to imagine any ministry that does not involve some risk and vulnerability on the part of those giving or receiving. So, having taken another careful look at the new diocesan guidelines on safeguarding, I have concluded the following.

First, the guidelines assume that all ministers are able-bodied and in a constant state of optimum mental stability, and thus not vulnerable persons. To me, this seems a paradoxically vulnerable and exposing position to inhabit, and a theologically elitist way of understanding ministerial roles. It is almost bound to create additional cultures of risk rooted in dangerous fantasies of impeccability. Even if such projections are rejected by the minister, others could hold the minister accountable to them, and ask the church hierarchy to weigh and judge a minister against them.

Second, our children and vulnerable adults undoubtedly have ministries, and the scriptural witness affirms that factors of age, infirmity, capacity and agency do not inhibit any person from being an agent of God’s grace.  They can plainly minister with considerable power and impact. If any person who meets this criteria has a regular slot or designated role (e.g., reading a lesson, welcoming duties, leading prayers, etc), then the diocesan guidelines on safeguarding say that these persons should be vetted, regulated and licensed.

Third, since it is hard to exempt any person attending church from processes of diocesan authorisation – the bar is set very low as “regular contact with children or protected adults in any recognised role…” – who in my congregation is exempt from this? If safeguarding covers everything, then surely it is nothing? Unless, of course, everyone attending church as part of the ecology of every-member ministry needs vetting and authorising, simply in order to fulfil their vocation as a faithful Christian.

Having read the new diocesan safeguarding guidelines, and as a minister, I can only say that I feel vulnerable and unsafe as never before. But the same guidelines make no provision for me in what has clearly become an extremely precarious role.

by Richard Scorer

As The Times reported last week, my client Matt Drapper has received a damages settlement from St Thomas Philadelphia church in Sheffield after being subjected to an exorcism to rid him of the “demonic possession” of homosexuality. Since I posted about the case many people have asked me for more information so this piece explains the factual and legal background. Stephen Parsons has written about this case previously; you can read his earlier blog here   https://survivingchurch.org/2022/09/20/when-do-forms-of-pastoral-care-become-a-safeguarding-concern/  

 Claimant’s Allegations

 At the outset of the case Matt provided the following account to me: this is a summary of what he says happened and I should state that this is not necessarily accepted by St Thomas Philadelphia. In 2013 Matt was accepted into a one-year internship programme at St Thomas. The internship was presented as a structured programme involving a mixture of training and working in the church’s publishing branch. The program was said to include education on discipleship, weekly sessions learning to listen and respond to God and mentoring to develop leadership skills. Matt declared his sexual orientation on joining the programme. He was aware that some people at St Thomas held negative views of homosexual acts but was told that the church was “on a journey” towards greater understanding. Therefore he did not think that his homosexual orientation was at odds with his involvement in St Thomas. On Matt’s account, at no point until the day before the exorcism took place was he made aware that the church or some in it equated homosexuality with demonic possession, and at no point until the exorcism was underway was he made aware that the purpose of the exorcism was to change his sexual orientation.  

After joining the internship programme he was told that like other interns he had to attend an “Encounter God Weekend”. Ahead of the weekend he was required to complete a questionnaire including highly personal questions about his childhood and any challenges he was trying to address in his adult life. The completed questionnaires were passed to  St Thomas’s ‘Prayer Ministry team’ seemingly so a bespoke prayer session could be planned. On the questionnaire Matt gave information about his struggles with understanding and accepting his sexuality within the Christian context. Although he was aware that some prayer would take place in connection with the matters identified, he had no forewarning until it happened that an exorcism would be performed upon him, or that it would be based on the belief that homosexuality arises from demonic possession. At the “Encounter God Weekend”, and the day before the exorcism, Matt and other interns were informed for the first time that certain activities or agreements formed legal contracts that allowed demons to enter the bodies of Christians, influencing thoughts and decisions, and that issues interns struggled with such as relationships, leadership, anxiety and fear were likely to be the result of demonic possession. A teaching session run by members of St Thomas’s “School of Inner Healing and Deliverance” instructed interns that “sexual impurity” allows demons to enter their bodies. Sexual impurity was presented in the context to include any sexual activity or sexual thoughts outside of marriage between a male and a female. Matt was thereby informed for the first time that as a person of homosexual orientation he had allowed a demonic influence to come into his life. He understandably felt very ashamed and afraid. Interns were also taught in this session that demons can leave the body as a rush of air and that if a person has a physical bodily reaction, negative response or feels a wish to cease the prayers, this in itself is evidence of demonic possession. Accordingly, as taught in this session, persistence with mandated prayers would be imperative even in the face of physical and emotional distress. On the next day, interns were ordered to undergo an hour of Prayer Ministry with two people who had been assigned by St Thomas’s “School of Inner Healing and Deliverance”. Matt was told that he was carrying the “spirit of victim” and had a “hereditary demon”. Matt was then instructed to use the following prayer and asked to repeat it and speak it over himself, with the “issue” inserted either being homosexuality or a word or phrase with similar meaning: “I break the power of (issue) over me. I confess my sin of (issue). I forgive those people who have spoken (issue) over me and I forgive myself for believing and entering into this belief system. With no guilt or shame, I renounce this belief system and the curse of it and I break it over my life through the blood of Jesus to redeem sin. I cancel my agreement with Satan. I forgive myself for believing this ungodly belief, renounce and break the agreement with this lie, cancel the agreement with the kingdom of darkness. Any associated demons GO in the name of Jesus with my authority”.  

Matt received no prior warning of this prayer or any opportunity to consider its impact on him. Accordingly, he had no choice but to repeat it as instructed. Matt was then told that he needed to break any agreements he had made with Hollywood, the media or other people who had caused him to enter into the ungodly lifestyle of choice of homosexuality. He was instructed to repeat the following prayer: “I forgive myself for my lifestyle. Lord forgive me. I forgive other people who have shaped this lifestyle. I cancel my agreement with the kingdom of darkness.” He felt very distressed about this wording, of which he had no forewarning; he had never “chosen” to enter into a gay lifestyle nor did he feel the media or others had led him to believe he was gay. He had no choice but to repeat the prayer. The session leader then explained she also had another prayer that would “break” homosexuality away from Matt’s life. The prayer was as follows and was written on a piece of paper, suggesting it had been used before and would be used again: “I renounce my homosexual lifestyle and the belief systems that have allowed it into my life. I break the power of homosexuality over me. I confess my sin of believing the homosexual lifestyle is acceptable for me to live. I break the curse of it over my life through the blood of Jesus to redeem sin. I cancel my agreement with Satan. I renounce and break the agreement with this lie, cancel the agreement with the kingdom of darkness. Any associated demons GO in the name of Jesus!”  

Having been ambushed with these prayers and required to say them in turn, Matt found himself experiencing an extreme psychological and physical reaction including intense pressure in his chest, tightening of his stomach and throat, and dryness in his mouth. He felt overwhelmed and in extreme physical pain. His distress was visible and very obvious. The session leader pronounced herself to be delighted with the distress exhibited and said “I can see demons coming out of you and leaving hand in hand, marching out of the window”. Matt remembers his eyes being hot and his vision was blurred. Following the exorcism he was very distressed, feeling ashamed of his thoughts, his sexual orientation, and fearful that he had been “making an agreement with demons” as he had told in the session.  

Over the days and weeks following the exorcism, Matt became deeply depressed, experiencing suicidal thoughts. He felt totally isolated, but his mentor minimised what happened as normal. He felt broken by the experience. He experienced many months of extreme distress. In September 2014 he told church leaders that he was still gay and open to dating, He was then denied entrance to a second year of leadership training, due to still being gay. He was accepted onto another leadership team at the Church, and worked mentoring students until 2016 when he was quite suddenly told he could no longer be around the students due to his position on LGBT issues. He was told that he was a dangerous influence on young adults and children because he was openly gay and the Church thought this would influence others. He was shunned and silenced. Religion had formed a strong pillar in his life up to this stage, so the inability to access it began to impact his faith very heavily. 

In 2019 Matt became aware that he had the option to make a formal complaint both to St Thomas and to the Diocese. In November 2019 he submitted a formal complaint to St Thomas’s and the Church of England Bishop of Sheffield which included an allegation that in 2014, he experienced Prayer Ministry which was an exorcism that attempted to change his sexual orientation from gay to straight. St Thomas’s investigated and responded to Matt’s complaint in December 2019 stating the allegations had not been upheld as there was “no evidence to substantiate….the complaint”. St Thomas’s position, in effect, was to deny that the ‘exorcism’ had occurred at all. In the legal claim we alleged that St Thomas’s had a longstanding practice of performing such ‘exorcisms’ and knew full well that Matt’s complaint was true, and justified, but chose to deny it in order to conceal the extent of such activity in the church. The Diocese of Sheffield were also aware of the complaint and undertook their own investigation. At the Core Group Meeting in September 2021 a decision was made to commission an independent investigation by Barnardo’s into Matt’s complaint. The independent report was published in November 2023 and all four of Matt’s complaints were upheld including the complaint that he was subjected to an exorcism which attempted to change his sexuality. Following the publication of the Barnardo’s report, St Thomas’s apologised to Matt, stating that: “With the Barnado’s review having been completed and having read the findings, I would like to apologise for what you experienced at the church in 2014 and for the way your complaint was handled at the time”.  

Legal claim 

St Thomas Philadelphia is a hybrid Baptist/Church of England Church and in respect of safeguarding and the conduct of exorcisms purports (and purported at the time) to act according to the rules and regulations of the Church of England. Church of England House of Bishops’ Guidelines for Good Practice in the Deliverance Ministry from 1975 (revised 2012) stated the following in respect of any ‘exorcism’:

1. It should be undertaken by experienced persons authorized by the Diocesan Bishop;

2. It should be done in the context of prayer and sacrament;

3. It should be done in collaboration with the resources of medicine;

4. It should be followed up by continuing pastoral care;

5. It should be done with the minimum of publicity.  

On Matt’s behalf we alleged that that neither of the individuals who carried out the ‘exorcism’ were authorised by the Bishop of Sheffield to carry it out, although they were authorised by St Thomas’s . Further,  the exorcism was not “done in collaboration with the resources of medicine”, nor was it “followed up by continuing pastoral care”. We pointed out that an exorcism conducted in breach of these guidelines carries the obvious risk of harm to the person upon whom the exorcism is performed. We alleged that the ‘exorcism’ constituted an intentional infliction of psychiatric harm, performed in the knowledge that similar ‘exorcisms’ performed by St Thomas’s Deliverance team had previously caused harm to others, and which caused personal injuries to Matt.  

When I posted about this case on social media several people complained that the law is targeting and trying to stymie religious expression. This is nonsense. The legal basis of the claim  (what lawyers call the ‘cause of action’) was the tort of intentional infliction of psychiatric injury. This tort has existed in English law since the 1897 case of Wilkinson v Downton and has been refined more recently in other cases such as  O (A Child) v Rhodes and another (2015) (in which proceedings were brought on behalf of a child (11 years old and psychologically vulnerable) to prevent the publication of a book by his father, a famous concert pianist which described his experiences of sexual abuse as a boy; the claim failed in the Supreme Court as the elements of the tort were not made out). The tort applies equally and neutrally to secular and religious settings – for example it has been used as the basis of a claim against a school where a paedophile teacher groomed a child and encouraged her to send him indecent images of herself. The tort does not ‘target’ religion; if the elements of the tort are made out liability will follow irrespective of whether the defendant is religious or secular. Of course, the right of religious organisations to practice religion and worship as they see fit is guaranteed by article 9 of the European Human Rights Convention and the UK Human Rights Act; however, the article 9 right is not absolute and can be abridged where harm is caused to others.    

In the event St Thomas’s denied liability but offered a settlement which Matt accepted. Therefore, this case is not a court ruling so it does not create a formal legal precedent.  However, to my knowledge, this is the first ever payment of damages in response to a claim for psychological harm caused by conversion or exorcism practices. It confirms that a legal route exists by which conversion practices can be challenged where psychiatric harm is caused. Arguments may arise around whether the constituent elements of the tort have been made out, and around issues of consent (where adults are concerned consent may be a complete defence to a claim in tort) . Ultimately because of the settlement these issues were not adjudicated by a court in this case, but I am sure that there will be further legal claims. I would prefer that churches abandon these abhorrent practices of their own accord, but the risk of legal liability may also encourage them to do so. Church insurers may also be more reluctant to provide insurance cover to churches that engage in harmful conversion practices.  

 Richard Scorer is Head of Abuse Law and Public Inquiries at Slater & Gordon Lawyers (UK). He acted for Matt Drapper in this case    

by Martin Sewell and Linda Billenness

Clive Billenness was an important member of the Audit Committee which oversees risks to the reputation and credibility of the CofE Archbishops Council, For some time before his untimely death he  had been deeply worried about the complete loss of independent oversight over the Council following the resignations and withdrawals of both the independent Auditors and the Committee Chair – all unexplained in the recently filed reports to Synod.

During a late-night Synod session on Sunday, members were invited to debate a motion identifying the lack of proper oversight as a governance “red flag” that had affected victim/survivors who Clive had supported. He had spoken with us of bringing a dissenting report to the Audit report which is a serious weapon in the professional Auditor’s armoury, one only to be used when s/he is profoundly worried by what they see in the exercise of their organisational constitutional duties.

Before he died, Clive had been disturbed by no fewer than four complaints brought by victim/survivors about the conduct or lack of action taken by both the Audit Committees  and Archbishops Council;  in two financial cases he had called for, and examined, all relevant correspondence and bank statement, and in one complaint of alleged forgery of a document, filed in Church legal proceedings, he had identified  and shared a likely mismatch between the explanation proffered of tracked changes in the document, and the explanation he had been officially given. 

Clive was a certified document examiner with expertise in computer cover-ups; he did not ask that his report be relied upon, but was urging that an external document examiner should review his own findings and report to the Trustees legally responsible for the Charity.

His meticulous approach and unwavering commitment to accountability were well known to those who worked alongside him. Clive’s capacity to listen with empathy to victim/survivors and pursue answers—often in the face of institutional indifference—marked him as a tenacious advocate for transparent governance. He refused to be placated by vague assurances or procedural platitudes, instead insisting that every grievance deserved proper scrutiny and concrete resolution. For Clive, the integrity of oversight was not a bureaucratic tick box exercise but a living trust owed to those the Church had harmed and a necessary part of redress

If a member of Church House staff has a grievance,  there are a host of HR policies and protocols  to guarantee good process; Clive could not see any parallel structures to ensure fair complaint handling for those who have a grievance with Archbishops Council itself – people who had already been damaged by their experiences within the Church – by both direct abuse and continuing systemic  reabuse by faulty (or worse) process. 

That lack of survivor protection was itself an unacknowledged reputational risk.

The motion, as brought, invited Synod to first recognise the problem, and proposed that when the new independent Audit members were in post, they should be required by Stnod to examine Clive’s recorded concerns and report back to Synod with an updated Audit report.

This serious motion was derailed by the procedural device to

” move to next business”; there was no ‘next business’ that evening. 

The effect is that athe motion lapsed and a  similar motion cannot be brought for the remaining life of the Synod. Potentially bad Audit news and/or governance malfeasance was successfully buried without Synod hearing, debating and evaluating the argument in the chamber. Everyone got to the bars earlier than if they had stayed to discharge their duty to “hear the complaints and take what they say seriously”.

It was a night when serious concerns were seemingly casually set aside, underscoring  why alienated survivors are right to regard rhetoric about “Accountability and Transparency” as a CofE cliche

Readers may  consider whether his kind of shenanigans denotes triviality or worse. It would take a special kind of evil to deny those hurt by this Church an opportunity to secure early independent oversight into their complaints against  Archbishops’ Council.

Martin Sewell                                                Linda Billenness 

by Ben Gibson

This is written with the assumption that you are familiar with the BBC article or radio documentary about Venessa (Vee) Pinto’s criminal abuse of Jay Hulme. Leicester Diocese put out a series of statements in response. Kat and Ben Gibson also put out a statement outlining the effect that the situation, and the way it was handled by Leicester Diocese, had on them, and the extent to which they see this as part of a much bigger problem in the Church of England nationally.

“Kat is normally very emotionally resilient and is able to function very well in the face of adversity and opposition, but this situation feels almost like it has been specifically designed on a spiritual level to target all of her vulnerabilities and do as much damage to her as possible. In our whole married life together I have never seen her under such stress, anxiety and physical and emotional pain. It has been traumatic for her.”

“…things can’t be allowed to continue on the way they have been; it’s abusive, deeply unhealthy, and not sustainable for anyone involved. I am also very concerned that [Vee] might start treating others at [our worshipping community] in similar ways to how she has treated Kat. Personally, as things are, I wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting anybody to come to [our worshipping community], as I’m worried about putting them at risk. I question whether it is safe for [Vee] to be in a position of pastoral responsibility for others. Beyond that, it is simply completely inappropriate for an abusive, bullying relationship to be at the heart of the leadership of a church project.”

These are quotes from an email I sent to Kat and Vee’s manager on 26/5/21, over a year before Vee’s license to minister was revoked. It had already been clear for a long time that Vee’s conduct was not suitable for somebody in a ministry role, but rather than treat it as a disciplinary or safeguarding matter, their manager chose to treat it as an interpersonal dispute. Kat was told that her options were either to raise a grievance against Vee, which would be a long, highly stressful process in which it would be Kat’s word against Vee’s while continuing to work closely together, to look for other work, or to persist and try to improve their working relationship.

We were supposed to be leading a worshipping community (essentially a fresh expression/church plant) with Vee, but we were actively avoiding inviting new people because we were worried that she might start treating others the same way she treated Kat. We strongly considered leaving, but felt certain of our calling to be there, and we felt it would be irresponsible to abandon the few people who were part of the community with Vee as their sole leader. We felt all we could do was try to be boundaried with Vee, try to support the people in the community, and trust that, with enough concerns raised, the Diocese would eventually take the situation seriously and intervene. If we had known how long they were going to take and how badly they were going to handle it, I suspect we would have left or spoken out publicly much earlier. We felt trapped and powerless, in a situation that was severely damaging to both of our mental health.

Can you imagine the level of cognitive dissonance we were living with at the time, attempting to continue leading a worshipping community with somebody while also repeatedly raising concerns about her abusive behaviour. On top of that, receiving undermining mixed signals from their manager in response – sometimes describing it as abusive, other times that it was just a petty interpersonal dispute and that Kat needed to grow a thicker skin. We were focused on surviving one day at a time, trying to trust that our concerns would eventually be acted on. To this day we are haunted with feelings of survivors’ guilt from this time – was there more we could have done? Did we enable some of Vee’s behaviours in some way? Should we have just left in 2020? In the Autumn of 2021 Vee asked Kat to write an endorsement for her as part of her application to be on general synod. Afraid of facing yet another barrage of verbal abuse if she didn’t do it, she agreed, and wrote a positive endorsement. Kat deeply regrets this, and apologises unreservedly to synod for this, and to anyone who perceived Vee as having more credibility as a result of her being on synod.

As time went on, the issues continued, even after their manager left to become a bishop. Several other people raised concerns about Vee with various members of staff at the Diocese. We learned that, for a long time, the Diocese treated each of these as separate issues without looking at the wider picture, so unless one standalone incident was severe and provable beyond all reasonable doubt, they seemed to feel that there was little they could do. It seems that some of the people who heard these concerns didn’t pass the information on, either because of incompetence or lack of clarity around procedure. We were later told that at one point information was deliberately withheld from a senior member of clergy, because they felt that making him aware of the wider picture would ‘muddy the waters’ as he made decisions about a specific incident involving Vee.

Kat repeatedly raised the fact that she considered the situation to pose a safeguarding risk, but she was told that the process was to be held under HR, not safeguarding, as there was no evidence that any children or people in the legal category of vulnerable adult were at risk. When Kat later spoke to the NST, they appeared to agree that this was the correct decision, and that it was a disciplinary matter not a safeguarding one. At times Kat pushed back and said that this framing appears to contradict the C of E’s own safeguarding training which emphasises the fact that everyone can be vulnerable at times, but she was told that this is ‘safeguarding with a lowercase s’. We were shocked that the training appears to be so misleading. If the Church of England acknowledges the importance of ‘lowercase s safeguarding’, why do they seemingly not have any processes in place to deal with lowercase s safeguarding risks? Why are safeguarding, CDM and HR processes mutually exclusive from one another? If your diocese had kept someone in a position of leadership in your church for 5 months, without suspension, after becoming aware of allegations of stalking, harassment and graphic death threats, with substantial evidence, and they didn’t even warn you, you would think it was a safeguarding matter too.

Throughout the past five years, we have got the impression that it is virtually impossible to sack anyone for misconduct in the Church of England. This idea was taken to ludicrous extremes when the Diocese continued to keep Vee in paid employment (on leave) for four months after her license to minister was revoked, seemingly because they were concerned about possible legal repercussions if they dismissed her. During this period of time, at one point Kat happened to see Vee in the office and had a panic attack. Eventually the Diocese reached an agreement with Vee, which included a clause that neither party could speak ill of the other, and they put out a positive public statement about her leaving. We felt that this was an extraordinary betrayal of all of Vee’s victims, and that the Diocese was trying to cover up what had happened.

At every stage of the situation, the way it was handled significantly exacerbated the distress we experienced. We felt powerless and trapped inside an institution that had totally betrayed us. It is a sense of powerlessness and being trapped that turn a challenging situation into a traumatic one. The situation felt like an ongoing nightmare that didn’t end until 2025 when Kat was made redundant. We felt that, each step of the way, the Diocese took great caution in handling the situation in terms of protecting themselves from legal risk and protecting their reputation, but in doing so they inadvertently disregarded caution for Vee’s victims. There seemed to be a complete lack of understanding or empathy for the impact that each decision would have on us, or on others like Jay.

My intention in writing all of this is not to air my grievances against Leicester Diocese, but to highlight the extent to which this situation is just a small part of the picture in a crisis of accountability facing the Church of England nationally. I believe that most of the people who were involved in handling this situation were decent, well-intentioned people, trying to make the best of completely dysfunctional systems and processes in an unbelievably broken institution – but that they have been in the institution for so long that they have come to accept it all as normal. With the exception of Vee’s horrific criminal abuse of Jay, nearly everything about this situation is completely ordinary for the Church of England. I suspect many people reading this will feel as if I’ve described a situation that they have been through themselves.

The Anglican Church appears to be completely incapable of holding people to account for their actions. This entire situation may have been avoided if Bishop Anne Dyer hadn’t written a positive reference for Vee, despite being aware of the concerns that had been raised about her behaviour during her time in the Diocese of Aberdeen. Anne Dyer herself was appointed as bishop despite concerns being raised about her bullying behaviours in her previous role. Multiple serious accusations of bullying have been raised against her since her consecration, leading to her suspension in 2022. In October 2024 the Procurator looking into the allegations decided to end disciplinary proceedings on the grounds of “public interest”, bringing the suspension to an end. The fact that Anne Dyer has been allowed to continue in her role as bishop, despite the Procurator stating “I remain of the view that there is sufficient evidence to provide a realistic prospect of conviction in respect of each allegation”, which included allegations of serious abuse, is like an absurdist parody of the Anglican Church. As is the fact that Vee was kept on general synod and the crown nominations commission for eight months after her license was revoked – apparently a process to remove people from synod simply doesn’t exist. I have little doubt that, had it not been for the extreme criminal behaviours against Jay, Vee would still be in ministry in the Church of England now.

We have spoken to so many people at every level of C of E structures who seem to recognise the severity of many of the problems we are raising, but feel powerless to do anything about them. So many people have been concerned and compassionate to our faces, but then failed to take adequate follow-up action to address the problems.

A common theme in the stories of survivors of abuse in the Church of England is the perception that the institution consistently prioritises protecting itself over protecting abuse victims. I suspect that the C of E has felt little incentive to improve its systems and processes around handling abuse, because they know that many of their clergy will not leave or speak out due to feeling held ransom by their sense of calling. This approach worked for them in the short term, but it is now causing severe damage to the institution’s reputation as more and more people speak out about their horrendous experiences. We hope and pray that the C of E faces its own #MeToo moment. This already seems to be happening privately, judging by the sheer number of people who have reached out to us to share their own similar experiences.

There are so many people who have been through much worse abuse than us, who have been sharing their stories and advocating for change for years. You can find many of their stories in the media, or on websites like Surviving Church and House of Survivors. To quote my email of complaint to the NST on 11/6/24:

“Please take urgent action to prevent others having to go through the suffering that Kat and I, and so many others, have been going through. If this process really does end up taking 10 to 15 years, then I sincerely hope that everybody involved will be held accountable for the harm they failed to prevent.”

The paragraph relating to Bishop Anne Dyer was updated on 10/09/2025 for greater clarity.

1981-89

• Why do you state that Mark Ruston was told in 1981? All evidence points to 1982.
• 1979 you state you are uncertain whether you spoke at Iwerne. The speaker’s list from C Camp was found, clearly showing that you did.
• Your biography states that you “were involved in the camps as an undergraduate ….businessman and theological college student in the 1980s and early 1990s” (my italics) yet you now state you did not attend in the 1980s. Which is untrue?
• Iwerne have detailed card records of all attendees going back to the 1970s. Have you ever asked for the detail of when exactly you did attend? This could be clarified very easily. Please could you do so.
• The 1983 Iwerne prayer letter included your return of address when you returned to the UK. Did you receive the prayer letter throughout your time in France? When, after 1983, did you stop receiving it?
• Your testimony regarding the conversation with Peter Sertin is very different in tone to your previous recollections? The Makin Review quotes “Not a nice man…I wouldn’t have anything to do with him if I were you”. Can you remember anything further about that conversation, accepting that is was 40 years ago? Did you make any attempt to ask Peter Sertin why he would say this?
• Did you discuss Smyth with Steve Wookey in Paris, or at any time?
• Did you recall this conversation when you subsequently, probably, funded Smyth in Africa?
• Your testimony to Makin stated that you did make donations to Smyth. You told us that it “might have been £50 or so”. In today’s money that would be over £200, which is hardly “very small sums”. Which is true?
• Why did you tell Makin that you funded Smyth if now you are uncertain?
• You reference prayer letters. Were these prayer letters direct from John Smyth? How often did he send them? He must have informed recipients of his plans, including setting up his own boy’s camps? Is that correct?
• Or were these prayer letters received from either Zambesi Trust or via Iwerne?
• You suggested they might have been through your church as a general appeal for missionary funding. What church were you attending on your return to the UK, and were they also supporting John Smyth?
• You state that you might have sent Christmas cards to “people involved in Zambezi  (sic) Ministries”. Who else were you in touch with in that period who was involved with Zambesi Ministries? Were you aware of others in your circle funding Zambesi Ministries?
• Zambesi Ministries was not set up until 1986, four years after Smyth’s abuse was uncovered. Please confirm you were in touch with him at least until 1986
• Your letter (and the Makin Review) fails to mention the dinner you had with David Fletcher on return to the UK in 1983. Please provide as much detail as you can about the conversation regarding Smyth.
• David Porter told us that you were aware Smyth had left the UK, and that it was “under a cloud”. Please confirm.
• David Porter said twice “of course he [Justin] did know something”. Did you know he had told victims that ? What did he mean ?
• Did you attend Bash’s Memorial Service at All Souls in June 1982? Was John Smyth mentioned, in any context?
• How many times did you borrow Smyth’s boat? Why is this testimony not in the Makin Review? Borrowing a boat implies a degree of proximity and friendship with John Smyth? You were 22 in 1978, yet trusted by Smyth to the extent you could take out his boat?
• Do you recall Smyth’s name being mentioned, in any context in the remainder of the 1980s ?

1990-2000

• You state that there was no briefing or mention of John Smyth in those years. That is not that remarkable eight years after he was banished.
• By 1991 you were 35 years old, and by then, two years into your training. This would have made you a fairly “senior” member of the Officer’s room, even if not one of “the inner circle”.
• Please confirm that you never again attended Iwerne camps after 1991. Would the Iwerne records confirm this?

2013. This is the key period, not adequately addressed in the Makin Review. There is no detail as to what did or did not happen, what conversations took place, what records were kept. You refer later to resigning because of the church’s failings. The criticism of Makin that you had a “personal and moral responsibility” refers to 2013. The disclosure, whether being handled by Ely or not, should have led to greater involvement and action, by dint of your knowledge of Smyth, Iwerne, Titus, David Fletcher etc etc. This is the biggest failure of the Makin Review: to answer the key question: why did the 2013 disclosure fail, and why was it covered up for another four years? I therefore have detailed questions:

• How many conversations were there with Jo Wells? Was it really limited to the initial conversation, and one subsequent when she told you the police had been informed ?
• When she stated “you probably knew him” did you tell Jo about your historic contact with Smyth? Did you mention funding his mission?
• Was it standard practise for no written records to be kept of any such conversation, notwithstanding its seriousness?
• Was David Porter involved in these initial conversations?
• Did you discuss it ever with Nigel Stock?
• Did you discuss it ever with Paul Butler, at the time Lead Bishop for Safeguarding?
• Did you discuss it ever with Tim Thornton?
• In our meeting you stated that the Church Times had shown that the police were informed. Are you really alleging that the testimony of three anonymous policemen overrules the findings of a five-year review, when Keith Makin has interviewed all those involved?  Makin clearly states there was no formal referral.
• You state that you did not know “how serious and extensive the abuse was”. Are you claiming that you never saw the letter sent by Bishop Conway? Did Jo Wells never show you the attachment to the email?
• Did you, yourself, or your office, contact the police if you believed an investigation was underway?
• Did you discuss the case with Elizabeth Hall? ( never mentioned in your letter)
• You stated at LBC that you “kept in touch and found out what was going on” with Bishop Conway and spoke to him regularly. How many times did you speak to him directly about this case? You do not mention him once in your letter.
• What did you mean by “kept in touch” (LBC) ?
• Can you recall a single conversation, with a single person, after August 2013?
• You described, at LBC a “rigorous” investigation in 2013. What did you mean by that?
• Did Stephen Conway ever ask for your help in getting  a satisfactory response from Cape Town?
• I continued to write to Diocese of Ely until August 2015 asking whether Smyth had been found and stopped. Were you made aware of how little progress there had been?
• You met with Thabo Makgoba one-to-one in October 2013, just after you had received the disclosure. Did you raise with him either the abuse or the poor response from Cape Town?
• Did you ever discuss Smyth with Thabo between 2013-2017?
• You originally stated that you wrote to Thabo in 2013, but subsequently said the letter was on another subject. You were in direct contact with Thabo, so why not ask about Smyth?
• Did you ever raise Smyth with Garth Counsell between 2013-2017?
• You state that the Province in South Africa had not replied. That is untrue. When you were told they had not replied, what did you do?
• What advice was David Porter giving you during this period? Did he advise you to keep in touch with Stephen Conway? As your Chief of Staff was he keeping in touch and ensuring this was dealt with properly?
• Was there discussion of reaching out to victims and offering support in August 2013?

2013ff

• Did you make any attempt to call David Fletcher between 2013-17?
• Did you discuss Smyth with Jonathan Fletcher in that period?
• Did you talk to Alasdair Paine at any stage in that period?
• In 2017, you stated that you immediately called Charlie Arbuthnot (and others, see below). Did you speak to anyone “in that network” (in the widest sense) about Smyth in the period 2013-2017?
• Did you ask Elizabeth Hall to keep you abreast of developments? Did she?
• You stated outside LBC “nobody has a chance of covering up, all that is in place now”. Do you accept that the Smyth abuse did not become public in 2013, and a layperson would therefore describe it as a “cover up”?
• You write that it is a “deep grief that you did not get justice”. You do NOT apologise, here or later, for your “personal and moral failings” once you had received the disclosure in 2013. The disclosure should have raised enormous red flags because of your historic links to Smyth and Iwerne. If nothing else there were enormous reputational risks for you, given your historic links to Smyth. Did you not feel you should take on a personal responsibility, even if only to make sure you could not be criticised?
• Do you accept that you had a “moral and personal responsibility” to have done more in 2013?
• To victims it looks like John Smyth was, even inadvertently, protected. The same could be said of Titus and Iwerne. Were they put above the interests of victims?
• Do you accept that victims called for your resignation primarily for your moral and personal failings?
• It is now repeated often that you resigned over the church’s failings. Do you accept this diverts from your own personal failings?
• Can you understand that such distancing from your personal failings makes victims very angry?
• Did you not get that message loud and clear in our meeting?

2017

• Do you now accept that the “inaccurate assertions” after the Channel 4 documentary were always going to be deeply offensive to victims?
• Should we expect greater accuracy from an Archbishop of Canterbury?
• Why did you never reply to Andy Morse’s open letter?
• Andy tried killing himself on Christmas Day 2013, four months after you were informed. Have you thought what the position would now be if he had been successful?
• Have you written to Andy, personally, to apologise?
• You stated that, immediately after the Channel 4 programme, you called Charlie Arbuthnot and others. Can you list who you called ? Did you, at this stage, call Davd Fletcher?
• Did you call Keith Makin immediately that he started in 2019 and ask to give your account?
• How many times, over five years were you interviewed by Keith Makin?
• You do not mention David Porter once, yet from c2017-2019 he was our main contact with Lambeth. What was your brief to David?
• Are you aware he promised a meeting with yourself, your testimony, and a meeting with some “grandees”? ( I recall only Julian Henderson, though a QC and one other were mentioned)
• Did he discuss with you directly the many meetings I had with him?
• Your chaplain breached the confidentiality of two victims. Did she report that breach immediately to yourself? What did you do? Did you report her?
• I formally complained about yourself in 2020. I was told that there would be no investigation as you had previously been investigated, and cleared, in 2017. Please confirm that there was an investigation in 2017 into your own personal handling of the disclosure. Who interviewed you?
• I was told in 2020 that the 2017 investigation was confidential, that I could not see any minutes, notes or any final report. Please confirm this was a formal, professional process, under a Core Group.
• Are you aware that I was told that in 2020 there would merely be a “review of documents” to check the 2017 investigation had been thorough and properly conducted
• How many times did Anna Flowers interview you in 2020?
• Were you informed the reason why my 2020 complaint was dismissed ? I was told that, in 2017, you had been investigated and cleared of any wrongdoing?
• In the light of your subsequent resignation, were the 2017, and 2020 decisions fundamentally flawed?
• In the light of significant uncertainty around the status of the 2017 and 2020 investigations, please can you confirm how many times you have been formally interviewed by the National Safeguarding Team, separately to Keth Makin?
• Is there anything in this letter that you failed to tell Keith Makin? Is there anything you told Keith Makin that you have not included in your letter (subject to required confidentialities) ?
• It has taken you eight years to provide this account. Do you understand why your statement that “I stated internally and externally that I believed that we should be as transparent as possible, holding nothing back” is particularly triggering for victims ?
• Do you understand why your disclosure ( in the 2021 Zoom) that you funded Smyth in Africa led victims to ask “what else have you not told us?”)

Africa

• There have been repeated calls at General Synod for separate reviews into the Zimbabwe period (1984-2000) and the South Africa period (2000-2018). These have always been refused. Did you endorse that response?
• If not, why did you not intervene?
• I am informed there has been no settlement, no compensation, no redress (and no justice) for the family of Guide Nyachuru. Is that right?
• Thabo Makgoba has only recently announced an inquiry into why South Africa failed to respond adequately in 2013. Why did you not press him to start this process in 2017?
• How will you and the Church of England respond if the South African investigation finds victims of serious, criminal abuse in the period 2013-Feb 2017?

Scripture Union and Titus

• Please detail (subject to confidentialities)  all attempts you made to engage with Titus and SU.
• Did you call them both immediately in 2017?
• Are you aware that SU have not published their review in its entirety?
• What sanctions do you think should apply to Titus and SU for their “cover ups” from 2013-17 (let alone the previous 30 years) ?
• Paul Butler was a Bishop, but also an officer of SU. What pressure were you able  to bring to bear on SU through Butler, especially as he himself had been informed in 2015 ?
• Are you aware of the seven known alleged abusers associated with the Iwerne network?

Investigations

• It is clear that only now, eight years later, those who might be at fault over the 2013 failings are being investigated by this new “four stage” process and Panel. Why did the CofE not start proceedings in 2017?
• Th CofE acted very quickly over Lord Carey (Smyth); the Bishop of Lincoln; Bishop Wambunya; and Lord Sentamu. Why has no one been held to account for the failings over Smyth in 2013?
• If you assert that you resigned over the Church of England failings, but not your own, can you confirm that you might be investigated by this new Panel process over your own failings?
• Will you accept any sanction imposed by this process? They state they are basing their findings on the conclusions of Keith Makin. He stated that you failed in a “moral and personal” capacity, so must accept those findings if used against you?

Other questions

• Do you believe “victims have to come first” as you stated at LBC?
• Do you really regret not meeting victims until after the Makin Review?
• You stated that you meet victims regularly. Did you meet a single Smyth victim before 2024 (excluding those you would encounter as part of your Office, such as Andrew Watson)?
• Why had you made no public statement about Jonathan Fletcher (while I accept you cannot do so now, you could have done so prior to him being charged) ? Do you understand that for victims, the Iwerne world of Jonathan, Smyth, etc is all interlinked?
• You wrote to victims of Jonathan as soon as his abuse was exposed. Why not also to Smyth victims?
• You stated that you met with Anne Atkins, and very quickly. Why not victims?
• Partners and spouses of Smyth victims have had no support whatsoever. There are now four divorces. Do you believe the duty of care of the Church of England extends to others affected by the same abuse?
• It is only the media that has brought into light the abuse by Smyth, Jonathan Fletcher, and Mike Pilavachi. Should the Church of England proactively investigate and disclosure abuse when they learn about it ( depending of course on the exact disclosure and circumstances?)
• It is only pressure from victims that got us our meetings with you. Should you have been more proactive?

Graham 27 Jan 2025

by ‘Graham’

Smyth victims have had two events to think about: Justin Welby’s confused and cack-handed interview with Laura Kuenssberg; and then his event at the Cambridge Union built around his musings on “truth”.

Yet, despite his call for “the truth that leads us to care for human dignity”, after repeated requests, Justin Welby refuses to meet and will not answer the questions of victims of John Smyth QC. He will face up to an audience in Cambridge and try to justify himself to them: but will not do so with victims. Which group is more deserving of his “truth”?

I had my very first, and only, meeting with Justin in December 2024, face to face, almost eight years after we had first asked to meet. I will ignore that he did not use my name once in two hours and walked out at the end without a handshake or goodbye. Leave that. One thing that did come out of that meeting was a commitment to write “his account”. In 2017, David Porter, his then Chief of Staff, promised us an account of what Justin did or did not do in 2013, and what he did or did not know. It was David who said to me, re 1982ff “of course he knew something. He knew Smyth had left suddenly, and under a cloud. He just did not know why and wondered whether it was adultery or theft” [to be clear that is not a direct quote, though I have a contemporaneous record of that meeting from late 2017].

Again in 2021 at our very unsatisfactory zoom meeting with Justin in COVID, once more Justin promised his account. It did not appear. So, at my December 2024 meeting, in front of witnesses, I tried again. I asked for a “brain dump”, everything he could remember, an “affidavit”, “witness statement”, whatever you want to call it. I was asking for the most comprehensive telling he could manage, a piece of work at the end of which he might say “I am exhausted, that is it. I may have forgotten something, but right now, that is it. Everything”. He agreed to write his account.

I had to wait nearly two months, but in late January 2025 it arrived. And it was a bare shadow of what it might have been. His “account” did not mention David Porter, David Fletcher, Thabo Makgoba, Stephen Conway, and numerous others. It did add some minor detail, but missed great chunks of the story. It was a bare shadow of a full account.

However, what wound me up the most, was that it was marked Strictly P&C, and specifically stated that it could not be shared with anyone. Now, I had never agreed to that. And what might he have written that could not be in the public domain ? Not shared with other victims ? Shared with Keith Makin or NST ? In fact, the account was so poor, there was little to add to what we knew. He also wrote that this was his final account, and he would answer no more questions.

Bar one killer fact. Now, I cannot demand anonymity, and the confidence of others, and then breach such confidences. So, I have NOT shared his account or this new fact (bar, with his subsequent consent, to my therapist and “minder”). But where in all of this is transparency, truth, openness?

Does this matter? Yes. The Makin Review focuses too much on 1982-2012. Yes, we all know lots of people knew post 1982. Yes, senior people within Iwerne and wider evangelical network. But the world was a different place then. Where Makin is so weak is August 2013. We now know that three Archbishops and ten Bishops had received the disclosure of Smyth’s abuse by August 2013. What we did not know, and Makin appears not forensically to have examined, is what anyone did then. The Makin review just fizzles out. No evidence of anyone doing anything. Really? The aim of the Makin Review was to consider the Church of England’s response to the disclosure of John Smyth’s abuse. By 2013, safeguarding existed, and there can have been no doubt in the mind of anyone receiving the disclosure, that the abuse was diabolical, and probably criminal. Yet, it appears, no one did enough. Noone can dispute that John Smyth was not stopped, and was not brought to justice.

Justin said at the Cambridge Union that he had been “insufficiently persistent” and regretted that he did not “check and check and check that action was being taken”. In fact, there is no evidence that he checked even once. And it is risible to suggest he was in any way “persistent”. Isn’t this just trying to rewrite the “truth” ?

The subsequent announcement by the National Safeguarding Team that they would put ten people forward for investigation under the Clergy Disciplinary Measure targets those who knew in the period 1982ff and appears to ignore the very senior people, some still serving, who received the 2013 disclosure. (This has since been reduced to just seven people.)

And this leaves lots of unanswered questions for victims, particularly of Justin Welby. What did you actually do in 2013 ? Makin failed to document this period. Victims have a right to know.

Back to my title, and forgiveness. Justin walked straight into the heffalump trap set by Laura Kuenssberg. And that got the headlines. But he does not adequately address what forgiveness might look like for victims ( including the victim who attempted suicide on Christmas Day 2013, unaware that Justin Welby, Lambeth and the senior Church of England were now aware of the abuse). I stated on the Laura Kuenssberg show that there can be no forgiveness while victims do not get transparency and the truth. I stated that, had Justin contacted us in 2017, given his account, offered support, and apologised, then I would have forgiven him back then. But the mealy-mouthed apologies, the hiding behind advisers, the refusal to meet, still angers me. I am just asking for a meeting, at the end of which I can say, “thank you, I can move on now”. I might or might not learn something new. But, at the end of it, I would like to be able to say “Thank you for being so honest”.

And Justin’s “truth”? Those things he would defend to the hilt? That Smyth was not Anglican? That he left for Paris in 1978 and lost touch with Iwerne? That he was “not in those circles” (but in February 2017 immediately called all the evangelical leaders of his “tribe”). Where is the truth in his fourteen “unevidenced assertions” (thankyou, Keith Makin for that lovely euphemism) to Cathy Newman on Channel Four?

Victims live with their abuse, and their trauma comes and goes, but is always there. Loose ends eat away, deceit and lack of transparency do disproportionate harm. Victims deserve, themselves, to hear the testimony of those who weave their way through their abuse story. Yes, Makin and police as well, but victims first. “Victims Come First”. Now, who said that ? How does Justin think is affects victims when they read about him pontificating about truth and alleging that a five year Review, costing over £1m, “got it wrong” with new evidence that we victims do not know about ?

So, Justin refuses to meet and answer my questions. They are a bit OTT, but that reflects my OCD, my obsession with discovering the truth. They are placed in a separate post which is being published at the same time as this one.

Finally, so many people, particularly my Mum, say “it’s over, walk away, Makin is published, restart your life”. If only it was that easy. My abuse was not limited to the shed. It has continued since I came forward in 2012, not just in the treatment by the CofE, but by the evasiveness, lies and refusal to engage at all with victims, by senior clerics. This treatment continues and eats away at me. I cannot move on until I feel I have honesty and the truth.

addwndum follows or follow this link https://survivingchurch.org/2025/07/08/the-unanswered-questions-attachment-addendum-to-grahams-article/

Martyn Percy

Aidan Moesby’s live art installation, ‘Sagacity’, first appeared in 2015. At first sight, it looks like a periodic table of elements from a school science class. But Moesby’s subsequent print of the live installation is called ‘A Periodic Table of Emotions’.

Moesby’s installation and print replaced hydrogen (H) with happy (Hy). The art goes further: (Bl) is for bleak, (Fu) for fury and so forth. Colours are used to differentiate between the emotions. One group of ‘emotional elements’ is made up of the seven deadly sins. The largest family of emotions is concerned with different kinds of depressive states. These are coloured in blue (naturally), and include sorrowful, dejected, subdued, empty, demoralized, sombre, suicidal, awful, dreadful, unhappy, morose.  This is a veritable lexicon of woe. But what of the table above being applied to an institution, organisation, community or nation?

I recall a previous Archbishop of Canterbury describing the national mood of the Church of England and wider Anglicanism as one of ‘low grade depression’. That might have been true then, and for sure, ‘gloomy’ would be a good term to describe how many see the prospects for the national church and wider Communion. True, much time can be spent on blaming others for our moods and emotions. But what might some emotional-ecclesial intelligence offer at this point?

First, there is no real terminology in scripture for the category of ‘emotion’ or ‘mood’. When we do encounter anger, grief and joy, we meet them without reference to our wider framework of emotional wellbeing, which we take for granted today. This might be progress for some, but for others, it turns emotions into pathologies that must be managed, and that is the surest way to intensify those emotions.

Second, as the medieval mystics opined, melancholy was hard to shift, as it was settled state of grief and anguish. I suspect that it is this type of ‘emotion’ that is now gripping the Church of England and wider Communion. The recent announcement of a ‘wellbeing package’ for clergy in the Church of England will only compound that sense of depression.

Third, the collective “pursuit of happiness” (as the 1776 American Declaration of Independence has it) is not a reference to some transitory feeling. But rather to a solid state of liberty where individuals and communities could truly flourish. It follows that if a group or individual cannot pursue this kind of ‘happiness’, anger and resentment quickly surface, with associated emotions of rage and fury.

Emotions, when institutions seek to manage and mute them, quickly witness a downward spiral of emotions for all concerned.  That is why Christians have long invested in the notion of caritas – not an emotion, per se, but rather an ‘emotional ethic’. Caritas is a self-regulating spiritual exercise of the will, heart, and mind – to foster and offer compassion, empathy, alms and abundant love and care beyond the usual bounded constraints of personal desire.

Caritas is what we expect from our parents, hope from our partners, and will be grateful to receive from our children. Caritas is what those with less hope, pray and yearn for. It is what those who have more must engage with in their ‘soul work’. The irony of caritas is that when we learn to give and receive it, which is a duty, we quickly encounter joy.[*]

This is perhaps the most acute problem for today’s English Anglican leadership. It appears to have lost its emotional intelligence; sorely divorced from and devoid of caritas.  Announcing a new ‘well-being package’ for clergy addresses some material concerns that have impacted ministers, as the Church of England recently did.[†] But it does almost nothing to assuage the sense that this is an organisation that responds to serious emotional need, depression and trauma with a ‘wellbeing package’, as was the case recently. The choice of language and the initiative are more likely to compound the sense of alienation many now feel.

Furthermore, clergy themselves feel processed, managed, and muted, as they have never done before. For example, clergy seeking to conduct marriages or take funerals outside their diocese, or from another province, will frequently encounter elephantine processes that treat the clergyperson as a potential risk to be managed, the event as a potential hazard that also needs vetting and risk management, and probably additional training, forms to be filled in and more besides. This robs clergy of their agency and role. It trespasses on the broad and deep range of emotions a minister might try to manage at a wedding, blessing of a couple, burial or cremation.

To add insult to injury, the persons presuming to undertake the vetting process and risk management on behalf of a diocese or bishop have no external accountability to any independent professional body, and there will be no appeal against decisions taken, or how any request is dealt with. There is nowhere and nobody to complain to (other than internally). This anti-caritas compact feeds distrust and fosters the range of depressive emotions cited above.

The only way out of this is for the leadership of the Church of England to recover its heart and soul, and rediscover caritas for leaders who preside over ministry. Political compromises on divisive moral debates will not resolve the raw underlying feelings of shame, anger, melancholy, grief and fathomless sadness that the concerns prompt, simply by appearing as an item on some agenda as an ‘issue’. Nor will more managerialism – packages, visions, strategies, initiatives and the like – compensate for the sense many have on the ground in parishes.

That sense is this. They might not matter that much; they represent a cost to an institution that it can no longer afford; they must be treated as a potential risk and accordingly managed; they are an agenda item, and so are their issues; and they might just be one more problem or issue that can hopefully wait, or solved with minimal intervention (i.e., contactless – though there might be an email or letter). The sense that the clergy have is that they are just units to be ‘processed’ in a system, and that their grief over their wellbeing can be assuaged by some new ‘package’. The ‘package’ will be announced with much fanfare and enthusiasm. It will be met with ennui.

Without caritas, the church is as doomed as a family without love. The Church of England leadership now stands at a testing existential crossroads. Shepherds or Managers? Pastors or CEOs? How the church treats its own will be replicated in how wider communities and parishes feel the church is treating them. The current ecclesial crisis is an emotional-existential matter, requiring solemn reflection and sober, sincere, serious repentance.

If we look forward, the emotional terrain looks set to get tougher. The views of Charles III’s son and heir, William, are thought to be somewhat tepid on the matter of the Church of England.  The future William V could signal to the government that the reigning monarch, acting as the Supreme Governor of the Church of England, might have been a valuable arrangement for national interests in 1534. But it is very hard to make the case for this in 2034. The sense of dislocation is thick in the air but denied by the leadership. It is as though the bishops think Jesus himself said, “keep calm and carry on” – no matter what the reality is.

England is hardly beholden to its national church anymore, and a litany of safeguarding scandals, cover-ups, managerial failures and general indolence has left the broader population disenchanted with the current leadership. The likelihood of that being reversed seems slight, and the Church of England seems set to become an increasingly marginal element in the day-to-day lives of its citizens, if baptism, confirmation, wedding and funeral statistics are anything to go by. To say nothing of the bleak news on usual Sunday attendance (uSa).

Meanwhile, across global Anglicanism, our churches worldwide can now barely relate to one another, given that the divisions on issues of sexuality, polity, order and the like are so deep, bitter and profound. Most other Protestant denominations have entered into bespoke semi-detached modes of separation. Still technically married and bearing the same family name, but not living together and leading separate lives, is perhaps the best analogy? Or, same grand house, shared hallway, but otherwise divided into flats with separate entrances. Some neighbours talk to each other. Others do not.

That might work for a while, but there comes a point when money, property, assets and savings need to be shared out, and the running costs divided up equitably.  Lawyers tend to get involved at this point. This is why emotional-ecclesial intelligence needs to be recovered. What can Anglicanism do, going forward? There are three possible options.

First, there is the carry-on-disagreeing option, though this has had its day, and too much ink (and maybe blood) will be spilt with hoping against hope that schism can be avoided. All the signs in this option point to implosion and weary resignation. The price of this option – full Communion – is one that few will invest in, and many have already turned their back on it.

Then there is the second option that suggests you divide from those you no longer agree with, and/or expel the heretics. Some conservative proponents champion this course, but it’s unlikely to gain much ground because, while hot on specific moral issues, conservatives can be a bit slack on canon law, and do not mind, for example, lay people celebrating holy communion. If moral deviancy is to be punished, what about liturgical or canonical defiance?

Then, there is a third way. It must be accepted that the worldwide Anglican Communion is really a construction of the British Empire, though it has eventually evolved into a more equitable commonwealth – or better still, a worked-out federation. Anglicanism is undoubtedly global but is now too diverse to be centrally or collegially governed in a manner that guarantees unequivocal unity. Its future lies in adopting federalism, and not trying to copy ‘Communion’ catholic-speak.

Option one is poisonous, and option two would be a lawyer’s dream ticket.  But option three can be worked out through love and caritas. In the meantime, call nobody ‘Raca’ (Matthew 5: 22). For that matter, be careful about lazy labels like ‘liberal, ‘conservative’, ‘traditionalist’, ‘progressive’ and the like. Such labels rarely work well. Just look at the nomenclature of ‘Anglicanism’.

In God’s eyes, we are all fools and blind to the spirit of the age. Instead, settling our differences in a spirit of love, equality and justice might be wise and prudent. Anglicanism need not be afraid of divorce or separation because, if done well, it can bring peace and sponsor new kinds of love and respect.  However, this requires a level of emotionally intelligent leadership and ecclesiology, which is currently lacking in Anglican polity. Grief is the price we pay for love; we must all let go eventually. And let go, we will. In the meantime, treat others as you would want to be treated. God will judge us all with piercing truth and justice. God has contempt for no one. Only love.

[*] Amongst the best writers on the history of emotions is Katie Barclay. See her The History of Emotions: A Student Guide to Methods and Sources, London: Bloomsbury/Red Globe Press, 2020. See also Thomas Dixon, The History of Emotions: A Very Short Introduction, Oxford: OUP, 2023 and Weeping Britannia: Portrait of a Nation in Tears, Oxford: OUP, 2015.

[†] https://www.churchofengland.org/resources/clergy-resources/clergy-wellbeing-package

by Stephen Parsons

Among all the stories of terrible abuse that have occurred within a church setting, there are a few which follow a different narrative, that of a false accusation.  All abuse accusations need to be responded to professionally and well.  But, when, as in some accounts, a false accusation has been made, the one accused turns out to be the actual victim. The implications for the health and well-being of the accused are life-long.  Some of these stories, like that of Bishop Michael Perham, are in the public domain, while others, unknown, blight the lives of those accused while continuing to protest their innocence. 

Any individual burdened with the accusation of committing a sexually abusive act is in a very difficult and sometimes impossible position.  Sexual activity, abusive or not, is done in private and if an accused individual is unable to prove that he (normally he) was elsewhere when the attack was made, his protestations of innocence may be unheard.  If a child is involved, many people assume that a child is incapable of telling a lie about such matters.  Even though an allegation from a child should be taken extremely seriously and never trivialised, this does not take away the need for detailed and careful questioning.  Assumptions of guilt should never be untested and unchallenged.  Anyone who is accused of a crime should always have the opportunity to be properly heard and recover their reputation, if innocent

Any accusation that gets through an initial inquiry, one that may sometimes be based on amateur guesswork or homespun psychology, can still be the cause of enormous damage.  Also, requiring a teacher, a priest or a bishop to ‘step-back’ for months, even years, while enquiries are made can be a time of extreme mental torture for the accused.  I knew of a case of a head teacher at a special school who was accused by pupils of some kind of abuse.  He had to go on paid leave while the accusation was assessed and rejected.  The experience broke him, and he died from a sudden heart attack in his late fifties.  Equally tragic was the story mentioned above, that of Bishop Perham.  I knew him fairly well in his curate days near Croydon.  This was before he started to move from one important job in the Church to another, ending up as Bishop of Gloucester.  As a liturgist, Perham had a huge part in the creation of Common Worship and it was in the early 80s that we met at conferences for the study of liturgy.  The accusations that surfaced during his time at Gloucester emerged from his time in Croydon.  I have no doubt that protocols were correctly followed but there is something wrong with a process that takes many months to deliver a verdict. The accusations were withdrawn, and Perham was then allowed to return to Gloucester to receive proper farewells before retirement.  These had been denied him while the accusations were being examined.  Sadly, he was soon to develop terminal cancer, and he never lived to enjoy a long well-earned and productive retirement.

Having brought up two accounts of false accusation and the devastating damage they can cause, I want to raise the question of why anyone might choose to make such an accusation.  The points that I bring up are not based on a single case, but long-term readers will recognise that some of the questions I ask could be appropriate to the ‘Kenneth’ case.  My assessment of why his case has proved so difficult to resolve is first to point to the institutional refusal by the Church of England to allow any kind of independent appeal process which might challenge the amateur assumptions of a Core Group.  Possibly his case might have been dealt with differently if he was a cleric, but the Kenneth’s lay status seems to have worked against him.  Declaring him guilty by placing him in the ‘high-risk’ category has created damaging effects for him and the cathedral concerned. In addition, confidence in the safeguarding protocols has been undermined in his diocese, as I understand.  There still seems to be no resolution in sight.

Having thought for some time about accusations of bullying and abuse and the motives for making them, I find myself in company with the vast majority in believing the bulk of such accusations to be true.  But there will be exceptions, and a group has always to be open to the possibility of a false accusation being made.   A child may normally be truthful, but the same child may be attention seeking.  Many children know that one way to get attention is to say something outrageous.  In the village where I served my first incumbency, the Headteacher routinely asked at assembly if there were any birthdays to be celebrated.  One small boy from a poor family would raise his hand on every occasion so that he could be the centre of attention for a moment.  It was sad to behold.  Was a response every time to this cry for importance the right way forward or would it have been better to ignore his hand shooting up?  Being the centre of attention is strong motive for behaviour, and what is true for children is also true for some adults. 

In our attempt to make decisions about who is likely guilty and who innocent, people at the top of an organisation can call upon the expertise of people we refer to as professionals.  A professional is someone who has received a relevant training in such things as law, psychology and sociology.  Such book knowledge is backed up by proven experience and expertise.  One of the problems about church safeguarding has always been the lack of a generally accepted path to professional accreditation.  Who should occupy this space, able to lay claim to safeguarding professional expertise? My own reading into the subject suggests that anyone who claims to be expert in this area without continuous professional development over 5-10 years is probably engaged in an act of self-deception.  Merely listing some of the disciplines that contribute to a proper understanding of safeguarding – law, criminology, psychoanalytic theory and practice together with sociological insights. – makes one aware of that there will be probably serious, even dangerous, gaps in the so-called professionalism on offer from a typical Diocesan safeguarding ‘expert’.    A multi-discipline team might overcome some of these skill problems in cases like that of Kenneth, but we will quickly hear the cry that such expertise is expensive.  Allowing contested cases to reach no conclusion is also expensive, both financially and in terms of reputation.  Who knows how much damage is sustained by a cathedral, even the wider church, when such cases come into the public domain?  The lack of competent professionalism operating, as in Kenneth’s case, results in reputation damaging consequences for institutions and leaders alike.

In writing about professionalism and the way that is sometimes absent in safeguarding cases, I am minded to suggest a few ideas about how we might begin to change the situation.  Being ‘unprofessional’ implies one of a number of possible lapses in judgement and behaviour.  It is clearly unprofessional to indulge in such things as bias, favouritism and partiality.  Such things are routinely found in the school playground. All of us have memories of our own childhoods where we had to negotiate our way through fickle and unreliable relationships. The constant shifting of moods among children means that a child’s best friend one day can sometimes become overnight the worst enemy.  One of the gifts of adulthood is the ability to enjoy relationships that have stability and are not subject to constant changes of mood.  The adult human does not cease to be capable of some serious lapses of judgment, involving possible regression to childish responses to others. There is also the danger of groupthink and unacknowledged prejudices can still pervade the way we think.  There are, we find, many ways that we can get caught up in primitive ways of thinking about other people.  Primal feelings of dislike often seem to be fed by memories of childhood rivalries; we may also be guilty of lapsing into child-like attention-seeking behaviour.  In this way a non-professional group (PCC?) will also often be full of primitive dynamics.  A chairperson of a committee or Core Group may need to be constantly reminding the individual members not to get swayed by such things as the memory of a school bully who resembles candidate B at the interview.  Rising above subjectivity is something to ask of everyone in a quasi-judicial role, whether deciding on a candidate for class teacher at one’s local school or forming an opinion of someone accused of a sexual offence.

When the Church judicial processes get things wrong, the follow-on damage is appalling.  When a Bishop can survive the credible claim that he told, without evidence, a female abuse survivor that she was victim of a false memory, many of us feel deep shame for even being associated with an organisation that can incubate such distorted thinking.  The persecution of Fr Griffin is still recent enough to be a malignant wound in the Church of England.  Where was the professional competence able to get the bottom of the rumours and leave an elderly priest in peace? 

Safeguarding in the Church will continue to focus on the protection of the vulnerable.  At the same time, the Church must learn to offer protection to the small number of individuals who fall into the category of falsely accused.  When such accusations are made, we must not allow untrained individuals to have the final word.  These beliefs may be mere prejudice, based on encounters many years before.  If we do decide on the guilt of another, there must be the opportunity for an independent third party to review the case.   Millions have been spent on safeguarding in the Church of England.  The case for spending a small proportion of this money on the protection of the falsely accused would seem in order.  They are victims too.

Damon is an apprentice devil tasked with learning to undermine and weaken the Church of England and wider Anglicanism. Lucius is a senior devil mentoring apprentices overseeing the work on all denominations. Lucius refers to the Church of England as the ‘English Patient’. Lucius is particularly keen to encourage the Church of England’s peculiar ecclesionomics, bloated ecclesiocracy and unaccountable episcocrats. Lucius draws on C. S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters, published in 1942. These letters are published by Lucius for the benefit of new apprentices. – Lucius.

Living in Love and Faith

Dear Lucius

I am a bit fretful about the Church of England’s handling of same-sex blessings, equal marriage and human sexuality.  My predecessors seem to have been much more successful in causing major car crashes at Lambeth Conferences and General Synods, engineering lengthy bitter rows over gay bishops, winding up right-wing clergy to say that AIDS-HIV was God’s wrath, and generally creating a climate for moral debate that was about as civil and constructive as Game of Thrones meets Warhammer.

Those were the days! The Conservative Evangelicals took no prisoners, and the Traditionalist Catholics had their don’t-ask-don’t-tell strategy which was very carefully managed with lashings of gin and lots of lace. And everyone could blame the liberals because they were the only ones talking about sexuality.

I am getting a little bit worried now, because it turns out that quite a lot of Conservative Evangelicals who were purportedly promoting orthodox views about sexuality were actually a different prospect in practice. And some of the Traditionalist Catholics seemed to have the same problem, namely saying one thing but doing another. The liberals still got the blame, however, which is of course a great result for us. The last thing we want is an honest, progressive church.  God save us from that. Well, not God, obviously. I mean The One whose Name Must Not Be Spoken.

Anyway, I worry that the Church of England might be making progress. I am not sleeping too well at the moment, because I think there might be some kind of uneasy truce brewing. Can you put my mind at ease?

Your Servant, Damon

Dear Damon,

Yes. I can put your mind at ease. There might be an uneasy truce in the air, but it will cause more harm than good, and only deepen the divisions in the church. Your English Patient lacks the capacity to make a moral decision unless it secures 100% of the vote, so it is constantly hunting around for concessions and compromise.  This VIABLE Church – a Very Important And Big Long-term Enterprise – is hell-bent (sadly, not literally!) on pleasing everybody, so ends up pleasing nobody. You honestly don’t need to worry.

Whilst the Glory Days of huge public rows at General Synod and Lambeth Conferences over sexuality are gone, you must remember that this was back in the day when the public and the press were a lot more engaged in the goings on of the Church of England.  I look back with great pride at the attempt of a visiting overseas bishop to exorcise the demon on sexuality from an LGCM campaigner during a Lambeth Conference. That was a huge coup for us.

But it is important to see that the long-term impact of these earlier PR triumphs is that the press would not bother to report this kind of thing now. The pubic knows that on sexuality and gender, and quite a lot else, the Church of England is a basket case.  The indifference of the press and the public is our victory. Nobody expects your English Patient to talk any sense on these matters or give any kind of moral lead to the nation. It is not even interesting to watch Conservative Evangelicals posturing to the tiny remnant remaining in the Church, trying to persuade listeners that if biblically conservative views on sexuality were restored, people would soon be queuing to get into worship services to hear more sermons selling Old Fashioned Certainty by the pint.

Personally, I think you should be encouraged by how the Church of England leadership is handling the debates on sexuality.  It is laced with delays, anti-democratic, indecisive, and deliberatively diabolical. We could hardly do better. The bishops are showing us their best side – vacillating, mercurial, political, lacking any moral courage and compass, and also secretive and totally unaccountable. And we haven’t bribed one of them – honest! We don’t have an Insider or Double Agent fermenting this self-destructive behaviour.

We are truly blessed here – through obviously not ‘blessed’ in the way that the Other Side means! But it is amazing to think that after all the nasty rows and fireworks in sexuality debates over many decades, the Church of England’s leadership just decides to internalise its disagreements.

So, don’t worry about the lack of noisy bitter infighting on sexuality spilling across the pages of the press. The media are bored by the church, and very v jaded by its fearfulness and indecision. The good news for us is that your English Patient has really ceased to be news. It has become an irrelevance. To be honest, you’d need a very slow press day to carry a report on some wacko conservative Christian prattling on about biblical family values (minus the concubines, polygamy and slaves, obviously), trying to convince the general population there are only a few positions on sex that God really favours, and all the others merit a proper good stoning.

The really good thing about sex and your English Patient is that they just can’t bear to talk about it, at least in public. It is not a good look for a body preening and positioning itself to be so VIABLE: a Very Important And Big Long-term Enterprise in the public eye.

So, they’ve decided to take the subject behind closed doors and talk in private for an unspecified period.  Those inside the locked room imagine that everyone else outside is waiting for some sight of the proverbial White Smoke. But in fact, everyone has either fallen into a coma, decided to snooze and catch up on a boxset of Death In Paradise (series 1-3), or just quietly gone home, despairing of the moral vacuum. By the time the bishops have anything to say, there will be nobody left for them to talk too.

Leave them to it, Lucius. The leadership are their own worst enemy.

 Your Mentor, Lucius.

The diagnosis of Parkinson’s problems at the end of last year has woken me up to the need to get my life tidy.  One of the areas of untidiness is in my books.  Like many people who develop short term enthusiasms, I have sometimes bought books which remain unread.  It is now time to lighten the load, both literally and metaphorically.  As I handle the books on my shelves, I am reminded of the various stages of my intellectual and theological adventures from undergraduate days to the present.  Having purged my books several times in the past, the ones that remain speak to me of relatively recent enthusiasms I have been indulging in, especially since retirement.   My undergraduate self would never have guessed that I would find myself in the world of cults, crowd dynamics and safeguarding issues.  Theologically and intellectually, I have been on a fascinating journey with various twists and turns.  It might have been tidier if I had stuck to one continuing speciality or interest.  That might have built up an expertise in a single area of enquiry, perhaps publishing the definitive study on the topic.  Whether it was because of an inbuilt intellectual fickleness or impatience, my efforts at study have wandered fairly widely, so that all my efforts are those of an amateur enthusiast rather than any sort of expert.

When I began my undergraduate studies, in the far-off days of 1964 at Oxford, I was not a strong student.  The essays I wrote, and the lectures attended were seldom edifying for me or my tutors.  By the beginning of my last year, the winter of 66/67, I felt set to fail completely.  There was just so much material to master and my brain felt overwhelmed by it all.  The way that I overcame this mental paralysis, in time to make an unexpectedly good showing in my final exams, was to take a bold step.  I abandoned all the notes I had taken from half-understood lectures that I had written down and instead started all over again in my learning.  Out went the books full of overspecialised material and in came the books written at a level I could thoroughly master.  I remember the delight with which I devoured John Robinson’s book on the Body and how it demystified Paul’s theology.  The lectures on Paul I had attended had made his thinking totally incomprehensible.  John Robinson opened up Paul and his thinking and made him coherent and understandable.

I do not have the space to mention which Old Testament studies injected some much-needed illumination into my learning, but the same method of focussing on books that were written at my level was applied right across the board.   Reading accessible books rather than relying on badly taken lecture notes introduced structure and order into my learning.  I also began to see that all the biblical material I was reading had always to be understood in a wider context.  There was no point, for example, in knowing what Exodus had to say about the Passover, unless you also knew or were aware of how this festival developed different emphases over history.   Everything I was learning about the Bible had to be placed in the context and setting of other historical and theological insights.  In short, I was learning to understand holistically, to ask at every point how pieces of knowledge connected with other areas of information and fact.  Always searching for and often finding these connections gave me a sense of the whole, as well as enormous respect for what Scripture was about.  This may seem to be an insight hardly worth pointing out, but academic methods of detailed scrutiny often destroyed any sense of integration and wholeness in the text.  To go back to the Passover example, I found myself having a far clearer understanding of the eucharist because I had become imaginatively involved in the Passover theme from the earliest days.  My knowledge of the Bible was not created by ‘clobber texts’ but through an empathetic immersion into the themes of biblical teaching. With this appreciation for the central insights of Old and New Testaments, I had an anchor which made my last-minute revision effective and to the point.

1967 was the first year when the Faculty of Theology in Oxford first required every candidate to offer a special subject.  I offered Christian archaeology and, although my showing in that paper was lower than my other marks, it was to lead me down a rabbit warren of fascinating, but ultimately over specialised study.  Nevertheless, this was to provide me with an opportunity for extended theological study normally only offered to  a student with an aspiration for a professional academic position. The financial demands today for this kind of extended study shut out all but a very small number.  I was successful in finding funding for a year’s travel and later two further years residential theological research, leading to a B. Litt degree in 1978.   After this I tried to remain connected to the academic world for a time, but the absence of easy library access made the effort hopeless.   I managed to give two presentations to the Oxford Patristic Conferences in the early 80s, but the amount of effort required to put together two twelve-minute papers made me realise that my explorations into Byzantine liturgical theology had no future.  Any attempts at academic scholarship, especially when attempted outside the orbit of a university and libraries, had to be abandoned.

The 42 years since I consciously abandoned the attempt to keep up with formal theological scholarship, in favour of more practically based learning, have not been wasted.  I have produced three (non-scholarly) books on healing themes and the abuse of power.  My own struggles to find something to say in a world of professional academics had taught me to realise that being acceptable in the world of academe is not the same as being useful to the Church and possibly the world.  I have always believed that clarity of expression must always take precedence over the formal rules of academic discourse.  My own theological journey or pilgrimage has taken me to occupy a place on both sides of the aisle, as it were.   I have been immensely privileged to have been able to make such a journey and it is hard to imagine a freelance student ever in the future being given the same freedom and resources to range over so many areas of theological interest.  In my case my studies, mostly undertaken in the context of parish ministry, have covered topics ranging from psychoanalytic themes to cultic behaviour and fundamentalist ideas.  My audience for all this amateur enquiry that my books and blogs have evoked in others have been the dozens of individuals who have written to me, especially over the past eleven years.  They are those who have allowed themselves to feel safe entrusting me with their secrets and experiences.   Some of them have felt confident enough to share their experiences in a blog.  I never meet them in the flesh but supporting them has been a great privilege.  They are encouraged by being heard and I am encouraged to know that someone finds my reflections helpful.

Do I have any regrets?  There is one dream that I had when I began my blog and before that never seems to have been fulfilled.    Retired clergy, such as I, given that many have had extensive theological formation, should be enabled to share in a structured way something of the richness of their learning. This could involve some kind of mentor relationship with those setting out on their clerical career.  Like me they often have libraries of useful books which they would willingly share and discuss to provide a glimpse of a richer and more expansive theological vision that is easier to engender when money and time are not in desperately short supply,  Those of us who call ourselves progressive or liberal want to declare forcefully that theology is not a single understanding of truth but is a vision of reality that potentially permeates through many other disciplines.  This then may be seen by the one with the eyes to see it.  No one being ordained today should ever be allowed to stop reading and learning.  Plato said something along the lines of the more I learn, the more I realise how much I do not know.  We older clergy, who were trained in an age which was more generous with time, know this truth.  That kind of training encouraged insight into what we see as wisdom.  It is a journey, involving a way of understanding that many, clergy and laity, still wish to follow today.