After writing a blog post twice or three times a week for the past three months, I realised that there was a limit to the material that I could pull out of my memory to place in front of those who follow the blog. So from this point on my blogs will change direction somewhat. The material that I will be sharing will more likely refer directly to material on my book-shelves and especially to ideas that I have found helpful at some point in the past. Thus the reader of the blog will be travelling with me on a journey as I look back to books and ideas that I have found useful over the years. I hope my readers will want to travel on this journey that will help all of us to understand better the phenomenon that we call abusive religion.
One of the problems of trying to write a book on abusive fundamentalism as I did some 15 years ago, was getting a handle on the subject matter. There were of course lots of books on fundamentalism but they took a whole variety of approaches that varied from the biblical to the theological , from the psychological to the political. It was with some relief that I found a particular book which for the first time gave me a place on which to stand and find an overall perspective from which to look at the whole topic. The book was entitled Righteous Religion: Unmasking the illusions of Fundamentalism and Authoritarian Catholicism by Kathleen Ritter and Craig O’Neill. Part of the attraction of the book was that it spoke about psychological themes without becoming too technical. This tendency of books about psychology to be extremely technical has been something which has constantly plagued my attempts to understand the dynamics of cultic churches. This book on the other hand had the ability to say something quite profound with no danger that the reader, new to psychology, would be overwhelmed by the jargon.
The thesis of the book is a deceptively simple one which can be outlined in the space of a single blog post. The first principle of the book is that attendance at a church of whatever kind has the attraction of reactivating in the individual the experience of belonging to a family. Everyone has such a desire for the safety and security of a human family built into the genes. A church can or should provide for its members the various positive aspects of the birth family, including safety, acceptance, support and meaning. The parallels between the needs of a young child in a family and that those of an adult belonging to a church are obviously far from exact but the same basic needs are there in both stages of human growth.
Righteous Religion then distinguishes between the healthy family and the toxic one. At the risk of over-simplification, the normal family is seen as one where the love offered is unconditional. However good or bad the child is, the parent never ceases to love the child without limit. The child grows up with that security built into their awareness. Even though misbehaviour has to be dealt with the child is never allowed to doubt that the parents’ love is solid and dependable. In contrast to such a family there are other families where the message given is different. We call the love in these families conditional love. Any affection offered comes with subtle strings attached. The message is given ‘I will show you care and affection if….’ The conditions that are laid down normally concern the parents’ status and well-being. ‘I will love you if you bring credit to this family by your achievements and your efforts’. This most damaging form of conditional love is one which places on the child the need to succeed, to make the parents proud. If for any reason success is not achieved the child is made to feel worthless as a human being both for his/her failure at the task but also for failing to receive adequate affection and love from the people he is dependent on. The child is doubly betrayed by this toxic environment.
Ritter and O’Neill present the authoritarian church as being the equivalent to the toxic family that only cares when its expectations are met. Acceptance and approval are only handed out to those who believe the right things, give sufficiently of their means and generally conform to the norms of the group. Because the church has often succeeded in activating quite powerful mechanisms of need, these toxic churches are able to continue to exercise a powerful controlling and ultimately harmful hold over individuals. Dissent is not tolerated. The member of an abusive church or cult will be reluctant to leave the group in the same way that the abused child will find it hard to let go of the toxic family. Belonging is a stronger instinct even than the desire to avoid harm and abuse.
I have spoken in a previous blog post about the power of induced fear. In the toxic family the child lives with the threat of being cast out into a nothingness, losing any familiarity that he has known, the sheer terror of being alone. The toxic church has a similar trump card. It deals in the currency not only of belonging but also claims to have the power to threaten its members with the terrors of being lost for all eternity, in a place apart from God, a place of eternal torment. No doubt thinking about the possibility of hell evokes childhood memories of separation and terror in the adult. This will always be a powerful tool of control.
Using the model of the church as a family is useful up to a point. In the last resort it is a useful metaphor and the limitations of linking the two will become apparent quite quickly if the metaphor is worked too hard. But Righteous Religion did help me at an early stage in my reading grasp one aspect of the way that one can assess the healthy and the unhealthy in church life. It also helped me to understand how the vulnerabilities of people are taken advantage of and made the tools of control. Frightening people into the Kingdom may make for ‘successful’ and full churches but ultimately such churches cannot necessarily be said to be healthy. The important question that has to be asked of any church congregation is whether it is healthy. By healthy we mean that the people have the opportunity to grow, feel affirmed, love and be loved as well as be free from fear. The same questions can also be asked of a human family. Most of us know what makes for a healthy environment for children to grow up in. The least we can ask for members of our church families that they are allowed to exist with the same underlying values of acceptance, tolerance, freedom to think and be heard. Part of the glory of a human family is that children are normally allowed to grow up different in character and ability. Why on earth should we expect the members of the church acquire a monotonous similarity of character and belief with one another? Long may difference and even disagreement flourish in the church just as it does in the human family!




